Chapter 16

"Pil Suh yah," I heard a voice say as I was awoken from my sleep. On arriving in Seoul, the truck driver had dropped me off at the given address and left. No, he wasn't a cruel man who thought it was right to leave a little boy alone in a strange city but after ringing the doorbell and waiting for over an hour, he had to leave in order to make his other appointments.

I stood in front of the building, the cold seeping through my shoes and freezing my toes, watching people enter and exit the building without giving me a second look.

The man told me that my mother would be picking me up but since, at the time, I was still vague on what she looked like, I smiled at every woman who passed by and each time, they looked through me.

Finally, when I no longer had much energy to remain standing, I placed my bag at the foot to the door, sat on it, bent my head over and went to sleep.

"Wake up, Pil Suh," the woman said, shaking me some more.


As I opened my eyes and looked at her, I realized that my face was slightly frozen and every single muscle twitch I made was met with a crack and subsequent pain.

She placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry for being late. I couldn't get away sooner. Get up. Let's go in." She waited for me to pick up my bag then opened the door to the building.

As I followed her up the narrow stairs, I lied that I liked the dingy, cold place. The wooden stairs were filthy and creaked with every single step. The railings looked so old and dirty that one would have thought that they led to a coal mine.

"That's good."

"Do you live here alone?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I don't live here."

"Where do you live?" I asked, exhaling. My mood brightened at the thought of living elsewhere.

"With my husband and children. My friend lives here," she said, "and you'll be staying with him for a while. Halmoni taught you how to clean a house, right?" She glanced back at me.

I nodded.

"Good."





Ji Won put down the manuscript in her hand. How was it possible that while editing a cookbook called, "Real Men Are Vegan," she was thinking of Shin's story? After some deep reflection, and thoughts of unemployment, she decided that she was a professional and could work with him for a few more weeks. All she'd have to do was mail him the edited chapters and he'd simply mail her his work. It was simple and efficient and the way many relationships between editors and writers worked.

All would have been good if it wasn't already fours weeks since she'd sent him his last edited chapter and the last 'contact' she'd had with him. Even though he hadn't returned her edits to her, he hadn't sent any new chapters either. And ever since that fateful day she'd spoken to her boss, the woman had taken it upon herself to keep abreast of 'The Yoon Memoir' and Ji Won had run out of explanations for why, lately, she seemed to be working on all projects by his.

She picked up her phone and went through her guestbook. Was it odd that not only had she not deleted his number, she still had it listed under 'Jo Jin Mo?' She called the number and the second it was answered, said, "Hello?"

"Yes?"

"Ehm… this is Miss Na… Ji Won. Na Ji Won. Your editor?" She contorted her face in self-disgust. Why did she sound so stupid?

"Yes, I can tell from my caller-id." He sounded bored. "How may I help you?"

Considering the last thing he'd done was kiss her, he sounded way too formal and Ji Won was taken aback by his tone. "Er… Mr. uhm…." What should I call him? "Mr. Yoon?"

"Yes?"

She took a deep breath in and sat up straight. She was a professional for goodness sake and contacting a lazy writer was part of her job. "I haven't heard from you for a while and I just wanted to catch up."

"Okay."

"So how's the writing coming?"

Shin hesitated before saying, "It's not."

"What do you mean?"

"Writer's block."

"Writer's block?" Even though the condition was real, it was also an excuse many writers fell back on when they were dragging their feet on their work. It was usually her job to tell the difference. "How can you have writer's block? Aren't you just writing from memory?"

"So?"

"So what are you having problems with?"

He sighed. "Don't worry about it, okay? The second I write something, I'll send it to you."

"Which would be when? In the next week or so? We were doing so well before. I don't want us to get behind on our schedule."

"I don't know. But when I do, you'll know about it, okay? Bye—"

"Hold up." What was wrong with the guy? He sounded strange and not the least bit like the person, or persons, she'd known. "Are you rushing me off the phone?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. But it sounded like you were." And why were his responses so curt and cold? Wasn't she the one who'd been wronged? She was the one supposed to be giving all the attitude and not him. Over a month earlier, she'd promised not to attach any emotions to all her dealings with him yet it looked like he was determined to piss her off. "Don't rush me off the phone."

"Okay." After a moment of silence, he said, "If that's all—"

Ji Won groaned. They were so not getting anywhere – she still didn't know when to expect his next chapter. "Let's meet."

"Sorry?"

"Let's meet up and talk."

"Why? About what?"

"Let's just meet up and talk, okay? Let's talk about the problems you're having. When are you free? Name the time and place and I'll be there. Whenever and wherever you want."

After a few seconds, he said, "Meet me in front of the Museum of Fine Arts at 2pm."

"When? Today?" She hadn't expected to meet him so soon.

"Yes. Will that be a problem?"

"No. See you there."



***



"Why am I not surprised you're here at 1:40?"

He was smiling. From his demeanor on the phone, it was the last thing she expected. She noticed he'd gotten a haircut and another thing she noticed was that those feelings of attraction had somehow returned. Could a guy become incredibly hot over the course of a few weeks? She didn't know how or why but there was something about his smiling brown eyes and chiseled jaw that made her eyes fall onto his lips. She sucked in her breath and looked away but not before she stole a quick glance at his body.


Casually dressed in jeans and a light jacket, his body looked as trim and toned as ever, and she suddenly felt the need to run her fingers over his bare chest. She turned around and took a deep breath in. Was she ovulating? What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she acting like a horny school girl? Time had passed so she was no longer as mad as she'd initially been but it didn't mean that she'd forgiven him for what he'd done to her. No, there was no way she could be attracted to a vengeful guy who'd toyed with her feelings like she was an arcade game. With those thoughts in mind, she stole another glance at him and unfortunately, the attraction was still there. She just had to work on getting rid of that.

He stepped in front of her and handed her a ticket. "The exhibition is this way," he said, leading her to a short queue a few meters ahead.

They didn't say much to each other as they waited in line, but when they were standing in front of the first painting, Shin said, "I've always liked Mr. Schmidt's work and when I heard the exhibition would be in Seoul, I just had to come. Today's the first day. It'll be running for about 6 weeks."

Ji Won nodded but kept her lips together. As she looked at all the other people around, she wondered what she was doing there and what it had to do with his memoir. "About your writer's block…," she began to say.

Shin shook his head. "Can we hold off on that conversation? I want to look at these paintings first. It helps me."

Art was never really Ji Won's thing and she was one of those people who needed abstract art explained to her. But she did like Schmidt's work – at least he painted things she could easily recognize. A painting of a bowl with two apples next to it she could get. A canvas with eight colors splashed against one another, she couldn't.

She followed Shin as they navigated through the rooms till she spotted a painting and laughed. "Now I see why you like his work." She smirked. "A woman in her bra and no panties. Yep. This is art."

He laughed. "No. If you look over there, you'll see some still life paintings," he said, pointing at another wall in the next room. Her call had been unexpected. He'd understood that it was pointless having any fantasies about being with her so he'd spent some time trying to come to terms with the love that could never be. He hadn't been completely honest about having writer's block because he definitely had new chapters to send to her but every time he tried to stuff one in an envelope, he stopped himself. Something about sending them off felt so final. Almost like he'd finally accepted that the only relationship they could have was as a very impersonal editor and writer. So as in every aspect of his life but writing, he'd procrastinated.

She looked over at the still life paintings then tut-tutted. "Yet, we are in the section featuring pseudo-nudes."

He laughed again. "Not really. The lady in that painting," he said, pointing at one on the adjacent wall, "is full clothed."

He walked over to it and she followed. He stared at it for a few seconds before saying, "What I really like about Schmidt's work is that they are so alive. He somehow manages to capture so much emotion and life in his work that just by looking at this, I feel like I know everything about this woman."

"Really? Like what?" She studied the painting and tried to see if she shared his feelings.

"Well, she's sitting by the window, staring outside. You can see the other buildings and from the people in those windows, you know that this is obviously an urban setting. She looks around late twenties/early thirty and from the ring on her finger, you can see that she's married. But not a newlywed. There's a certain sadness about her that only a woman married for a few years can possess."

She laughed. Silly guy. "Go on."

"I think that's a baby sock on her bed so we can guess that she's a young mother. She's way too relaxed in the chair so she's not looking out, searching for someone. It looks like she's bored, just trying to kill time so she's people-watching from her bedroom window. She's a housewife but she's bored with it. Instead of sitting in front of the couch, killing time by watching television, she's staring outside the window because that's where she wants to be."

Ji Won nodded. Everything he said made sense. She was about to say something complimentary till she remembered that this was a business call. "I see how this might help you with your writer's block."

"Yeah, I can write a short story about a woman by the window but how's that going to help me with my memoir?" he joked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe help get your creative juices flowing? I think it'll be a good idea to write something, just anything tonight. Why don't you try to write something tonight and call me tomorrow? Maybe we can keep a schedule and if you need my help in any way – maybe you need some motivation— I'll be more than happy to help you. It'll be good to get back to working on your memoir."

Instead of responding, Shin walked over to the next painting "Why don't you give it a go?"

"Pardon?"

"This painting. What do you see?" When he saw that she was about to refuse, he added, "Maybe seeing it from your perspective might help me."

Ji Won frowned. Yeah, right. But she decided to play along. "A little boy. He's running in the field to catch his school bus," she said, describing the painting called, "Boy Running Through Field."

Shin hissed. "Can you even see a road ahead?"

She squinted in an attempt to see if anything looked like a road. "No."

"So he's going to run miles just to catch the bus? People normally do that when the bus stop isn't so far away. When it's far, they simply walk."

Ji Won rolled her eyes. "Okay, what do you see?"

He studied it for a few moments before saying, "His father works in the city so he only sees his family on the weekends. This child loves his father. So as soon as the school bell goes off, he runs out of school so that he can be home when his father gets back from work."

"You don't even see a house. So how far is he going to run? Will he be able to make it?"

"Yeah," he said, not taking his eyes off the painting. "He has the stamina."

"So your boy has stamina but mine doesn't."

He nodded. "Mine is running on pure adrenaline."

"Bullsh.it."

He frowned at her for a moment before his lips broke into a smile and he chuckled. She looked at him then shook her head and laughed too.

They were looking at the next painting when he said, "You're looking well. Even though it's not even been two months since I saw you, it feels so much longer."

Ji Won pretended not to hear him and kept looking at the painting of an old couple sitting on a park bench.

But Shin wasn't discouraged. He owed her an apology and it was time for him to give it to her. He cleared his throat. "About what you wrote in those letters… what you felt for Pil Suh…"

She sharply turned her head to him. "Please, let's not talk about it. I'm here to help you with your writer's block."

"… those feelings you had for Pil Suh were mutual. I know you may not think—"

She clapped her hands once and glared at him. "Didn't I just say that we shouldn't talk about this?"

"Why not?" He was going to stand his ground even if it was the last thing he did. "I need to clear the air. I know that some time has passed but this is the only tension that exists between us."

"There's no tension between us, Mr. Yoon," she said sweetly, hoping that he could see she was being very serious. "Just forget about it and focus on getting rid of your writer's block so that we can finish this book."

"You're still mad," he said knowingly. Seven months after she left him in her hotel room, he'd still been mad so it definitely made sense to him.

"I'm not mad."

"The kiss… as you know, it was just for show. Just to piss off your ex-boyfriend. And it worked." He decided to tackle the easiest problem first and was glad that he had a reasonable excuse for what he'd done that day. "I hope you're not mad about that."

"LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS!" She looked around to see if any of the other museum guests were listening to their conversation but luckily most of them had headphones on.

"I listened to your apology. When you said you needed to apologize, I listened to you," he said plainly.

She looked up at him from the corner of her eye. "So now, I must do the same for you?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"It wouldn't hurt."

"It's tit for tat, huh?"

"If thinking that will make you listen to me, then yes."

She realized that there was no way of getting out of it. "Okay, speak."

He walked over to the next painting and waited till she was standing next to him. "I didn't plan on fooling you. It wasn't some elaborate hoax to hurt your feelings and get revenge. That first night we met… at the restaurant… from the look on your face, it was so obvious that you didn't want me to be Pil Suh."

She scoffed. "So it's my fault?"

"I didn't say that. I was mad and I made a stupid decision. Things weren't supposed to escalate so much and before I knew it, it got out of hand. It wasn't about getting revenge. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I hope you believe me. And even the letters, if you remember correctly, I didn't start them. You wrote me first."

"I really like how you're trying to blame everything on me."

He shook his head. "I'm not. I'm just explaining what happened. I think what I really loved about those letters was that I could be myself. My real self. I didn't have to pretend to be anyone else or act aloof or talk about myself in third person." He chuckled. "That got really annoying. I could be completely honest with you and you don't know how good it felt to talk to you that way and to have you respond in kind."

He looked at her and she quickly looked away. She really didn't like the way hearing him speak made her feel. Like he was the Yoon Pil Suh she'd written to. Like he was that guy she'd fallen for.


"I—"

The sound of someone calling him interrupted him mid-sentence and both of them turned around to find a petite, pretty woman smiling up at him. She was dressed in a smart skirt and blouse and looked like one of those women who fancied herself sophisticated.

"Hey, Shin ah. I'm surprised to see you!" she said, looking genuinely surprised.

"Really?" he said, rolling his eyes. It had been years since he'd seen her and even though it showed, she still looked good. Not that that made him any happier to run into her. "Surprised that I'm alive?" he said before he could stop himself.

"No," she said, a frown appearing on her face for a brief second before giving way to the smile, "but I guess I shouldn't be the least bit surprised after all, it's Schmidt's opening day. I still have the Schmidt you got me. It hangs in our living room."

He tried his best to ignore her last statement then introduced her to Ji Won.

"So, how's married life?" he asked after a few moments of awkwardness. It wasn't hard seeing her but it wasn't exactly easy either.

"It's great."

The smile appeared to be permanently on her face and Shin found it a little annoying.

"Really? Wasn't your husband arrested for securities fraud?" he asked with relish. It was quite pathetic how happy he'd been the day he read about it in the papers.

"Yes but he's currently dealing with that. He was framed."

He scoffed. "Yeah, every crook is innocent."

Ji Won was absolutely intrigued with the exchange taking place in front of her. And curious. Shin's demeanor was strange – like he was fighting to keep an uncountable number of emotions from surfacing.

The lady frowned. "Gosh, how many years has it been, Shin? You can be such a child, Yoon Pil Suh."

Feeling slightly shamed, he broke into a smile and laughed. He was no longer mad at her but for some reason, he still wanted to get under her skin. Not that any of that would erase any of the pain he'd endured because of her. But he really was over it. "Why don't you give me a hug?" he asked before hugging her.

When they were done, she said, "I'm sure I'll run into you soon enough. We should catch up some time. I know you're going to be back here before the exhibition leaves this place. I'm planning on coming here at least once a week."

"Oh really? What day do you think you'll be coming so that I can make sure I'm not here then?"

She laughed and hit him playfully. "You're so silly. I'll see you around," she said before kissing him on the cheek and turning around.

They both watched her leave and when she was no longer within earshot, Shin said, "It's funny how she thinks I'm kidding," he whispered into Ji Won's ear.

Suddenly noticing how close they were standing to each other, Ji Won took a step way. "Friend of yours?"

He nodded. "An old friend." He glanced at his watch. "Damn. I have a dentist appointment in twenty minutes. Sorry, I have to leave," he said before turning around and walking towards the entrance.

Ji Won turned back to the painting they'd been looking at. So many things had happened in the last few minutes but before she could begin to process them, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

She turned around to see Shin. "What?"

"Let's talk some more tomorrow. You know what you were saying about setting up a schedule and all that? Let's do that."

She nodded. "Sure."

"I'll pick you up at 10 am, then."

"Excuse me?" Pick who up? "Call me tomorrow – I'm not working so I won't be at the office."

"I know - it's the weekend. I'll see you at 10. In front of your apartment building. Bye."