Chapter 13

"I don't know," Ji Won said, shrugging. "I don't know what it is about them but I read his letters and smile. Isn't that crazy?" She took a deep breath in and thought back to what he'd written in one of his letters about writing allowing him to explore sides of himself he never knew existed. She'd written back asking him what side of him made it easy to write horror but he'd written back and quipped that since she'd never completed any of his novels, she really didn't know much about what he wrote. She smiled then looked at her friends. "This is just too crazy."

Mi Na, who'd arrived a few minutes earlier, nodded. "It's crazy. But what's even crazier is that I haven't seen you smile this much in quite sometime." She giggled. "I wonder what Eun Hee Unnie is going to say when she gets back. She thinks you've been hiding your depression for a while but looking at you now…. You're not that good of an actress."

Ji Won laughed and shook her head.

Eun Hee was another of Ji Won's friends who was away on business.

"Unnie," Mi Na continued, reaching across and taking her sister's hand "I think you should go for it."

She took her hand back and blushed. "Go for what? There's nothing to go for. And even if there was, is it even ethical?"

Kyung Ho groaned. "Ethical? Aren't you both adults? And don't try to act all coy when you know you've been having dreams about the old, fat man—"

"He's not old and fat! He's may be in his late 30s or at worst, early 40s. And he's not fat. Yeah, maybe he has a little weight around his belly," she said, holding her hands a few inches away from her body, "and whatever, he just has a little bit of extra weight but it's not unattractive. You're judging someone you've never met."

Kyung Ho shook his head in irritation. "I'm only going by your description. And so what if he writes nice letters? Big deal. Have you forgotten that he's… yeah, what's it called? A WRITER?"

Mi Na sent him a warning look. If her sister found someone she liked, meaning that she'd truly moved on from Joon Young, she was 100% behind it, regardless of who he was. "Unnie, ignore him. For one, it's not unethical because it's not like a doctor-patient relationship. Secondly, yes, he's a writer but you said yourself that you didn't really like his novels."

She nodded. "But I only read one. Maybe the others are better?"

Mi Na tsked. "Don't let him," she said, raising the corner of her lip and pointing at Kyung Ho, "talk you out of it. Let's not forget that he's currently with a girl he absolutely loves on some days and loathes on others. This isn't someone that should be giving relationship advice."

"Says the girl who hasn't been on a date in this millennium," he countered.

"Was that supposed to sting? Because if it was, try harder. I'm single by choice – it's not like I don't have offers. But I'll stop being single when I meet someone I like which is what Unnie should be doing," she said, turning to her sister and smiling. "If you like him, then go for it. Don't listen to what this guy says. I don't know what his problem is."

Kyung Ho rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Gosh," he said, rolling his eyes, "if she likes him then she should date him." He turned to Ji Won. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again. That's all it is," he said softly.

"But does that mean she should die alone or what?" Mi Na wasn't going to let him off so easily.

"No," he said, blinking rapidly. "I just think that we don't really know anything about this guy. If it was someone you actually saw one-on-one, I'd be all for it. But sending letters? She knows nothing about him."

"Hello, she's editing his memoir," Mi Na pointed out.

He hissed. "You guys know what I mean. Ji Won ah, you only know what he wants you to know. Let me do some background checking on him first."

Kyung Ho worked at a federal agency so they knew he wasn't suggesting it lightly and from past experiences, they were sure he could uncover even the most hidden secrets.

"How romantic," Mi Na muttered under her breath.

Ji Won sighed and looked away. Kyung Ho sure knew how to rain on a person's parade. She'd never suspected Suh to be anything other than he'd presented himself as but he just had to jump in and kill it.

Mi Na turned to him. "And when you're satisfied that he's not a psycho killer, will you stop making thinly veiled barbs and support your best friend 100%?"

He nodded. "Yes. And if later on, they realize that he needs Viagra, I can tell him where my father buys it in bulk."





***



"Ajusshi, are you leaving now?" Jin Mo's little daughter whined, holding on to Shin's leg. "Don't go."

Shin laughed and rubbed her head. "I have to go now but I'll be back soon, okay?"

He had accepted an invitation to dine with Jin Mo's family to catch up with him and discuss the progress of the memoir. After spending almost three hours there, he was on his way out.

"Sweetie," Jin Mo cajoled, pulling his daughter away from Shin. "Let him go. He'll be back soon."

A few minutes later, he shut the door behind them and followed Shin to his car. "I didn't want to talk about this in there but have you figured out what you're going to do about Miss Na?"

Shin shrugged. "Like what?"

"Like what's going to happen after you or I or whomever returns from rehab?"

Shin took a deep breath in and turned around. "Yeah, there's something I want to talk to you about."

Jin Mo groaned. "Now what?" Shin's little multiple personality game seemed to worsen every time they spoke. He put his hands behind his head and walked towards the small patch of grass in front of his house. He'd come out in slippers so he walked carefully so as not to get his feet wet.

Shin scratched the back of his head then unlocked his car. He leaned against it and warned, "You might want to sit down for this."

A few minutes later, after Shin filled him in on all the details, both men were leaning against Shin's car.

"I used to think you were so smart," Jin Mo said after a few moments of silence.

"Hyung, come on."

"No, I'm serious. How did you let it get this far? Right from that first day you pretended you were me, what kind of outcome were you expecting? What exactly were you hoping to achieve? I was amused before but now it's crossed the line. How unprofessional of you, Yoon Shin! And as if it wasn't bad enough, you've started writing love letters to her! What's that about? You start off being mad at her now you're exchanging love letters?"

"They aren't love letters," Shin protested.

"I don't care what they are!" Jin Mo got off the car and started to pace in front of it. "You need to fix this."

Shin cleared his throat. "Yes, I know that. That's why I need your help."

"How?" Jin Mo asked without looking at him.

"Well, you're supposed to return from rehab in about a week so I think that when you meet her again, you should be very professional. Maybe a little cold. Then she'll realize there's nothing between you and it can all end."

"Except you like her. From what I can see, there is something going on."

Shin wanted to lie but he decided that it was pointless. "But it doesn't matter because she doesn't like me. It's not about me. It's about you or him or whoever she thinks she's writing to. And trust me; she definitely doesn't think she's writing to me. If she did, we wouldn't be in this mess because she's not interested in me at all," he said putting his hand on his chest.

Jin Mo's heart was softened by the hurt he heard in his friend's voice but it disappeared a second later when he remembered that it was all of his doing. "So you want me to pretend to be you. But what happens after that first meeting? Am I expected to pretend to be you till you finish the book? Do you think I have that much time? Are you my only client? Then what happens when it's published and you have a press conference? Am I still expected to pretend to be you just so she never discovers Yoon Pil Suh's true identity? Can you see how ridiculous this all sounds? At some point, this charade has to end so don't drag it any longer. End it now."





***

"Hello," Shin said the moment he arrived at the table. "You're always early for everything, aren't you?" He pulled out a chair and sat across from her. It was amazing how just seeing her could mess with his senses. He looked away so that she wouldn't think he was staring at her.

"Yeah, I can't help myself. For a few years I was always late so now I think I'm overcompensating," she said through stilted laughter. She wringed her hands under the table and tried to rub away the sudden nervousness. "I'm sorry I called at such short notice. I hope it didn't interfere with any of your other plans."

Shin shook his head. "No, I was free. And intrigued by the invitation."

On his drive home from Jin Mo's place, she'd called to set up a meeting. When he told her that he didn't have any new chapters ready, she confessed that the meeting wasn't business-related. Even though he tried not to, he'd spent the entire day thinking about it. The thought of spending time with her talking about something other than his memoir both scared and excited him. He didn't want to read much into it, but the invitation had been so out of the blue. Just before he got to the restaurant, he hoped he'd misread all the signs and that somehow, she really did like him -the Shin she'd met so many months earlier.

Ji Won looked down and hid her eyes behind mascara-thickened lashes. "I'm glad you came."

They made small talk and after their entrees arrived, chewed their food in silence for a few minutes.

"I hope you like your meal," Ji Won said. "I wasn't sure what kind of food you liked."

Shin put his fork down and looked at her. "You say that like we've never spent any time together. And I'm not just talking about the time we've spent working on this project." As per usual, he observed that she was looking lovely and although her hair and make-up were in place, in her black pants and red top, she looked rather dressed down. So was it a date or not?

Ji Won, too, put down her cutlery and looked at him uncertainly. She could already feel the blood rushing to her face but decided to pretend not to notice it. "That's why I asked you out today."

"Oh?" Shin's eyebrow shot up.

She picked up the napkin on her lap and played with it to keep her hands steady. "I don't think I've ever really explained what happened in Aruba and I think we should clear the air."

He laughed. "There's air to clear? Isn't it already ancient history?"

"No. I'm sure you've figured it out but let me explain, okay?"

"Go ahead."

"As you know, I was engaged before I met you in Aruba. We'd been together for about 5 years. I thought he was the man of my dreams and from the day I met him, till our wedding day, I adored him. So when he didn't show up to marry me, I was devastated. I probably wasn't thinking rationally when I decided to go on our honeymoon anyway, but I did. And that was when I met you. It was only supposed to be a fling, you know. No strings attached. It wasn't meant to be real, you know? I don't think either of us had any expectations, after all, I pretended to be Alex and you pretended to be Shin."

"I am Shin," he interjected. "That's my name. I never gave you a fake name."

Her mouth formed into an O. "Really? But how come…?" She furrowed her brows then shook her head. "That's not important now. Now, I want to apologize for not saying goodbye properly. Fling or no fling, you deserved better. I was a coward - I didn't want it to be awkward or weird so I tried to avoid that. It wasn't personal. I had a nice time, you know?"

"I do? You said you faked it."

She burst out laughing but when she looked up and saw that his face was straight and devoid of any humor, she stopped. "You still remember that? Forget what I said and let's forget about it all and try to be friends."

He narrowed his eyes. He couldn't help but notice that she was acting exactly as she had when they'd first met in Aruba; when she had an agenda. "You want to be friends with me?"

She nodded. "Sure, why not?" She picked up her fork and knife and cut into her steak. "Let's eat before our food gets cold."

After their plates had been cleared and they were waiting for their dessert, Ji Won cleared her throat. "So about Pil Suh…."

"About Pil Suh?" he repeated. "Was anyone talking about him?"

"No. But I want to talk about him now," she said smiling.

Shin frowned. "You said this wasn't a business meeting."

She nodded. "It's not."

He folded his arms and sat back into his chair. "So the real reason you called me was to pick my brain about Pil Suh? Is that what this is about?"

"No!" For the second time at dinner, blood rushed to her face. "I'm just curious. He gets out of rehab next week and I'm just curious about him," she spat. The way he was looking at her, like he was trying to pierce through her skin with his eyes made her feel uncomfortable. "You don't have to answer them if you don't want to." She picked up her glass and sipped some wine.

Shin lifted his glass and took a sip of his drink. "So what do you want to know?"

After a moment of silence she asked, "Is he married?"

"No."

"Divorced? Does he have any kids?"

He dropped his glass and looked away. "Not divorced. No kids," he said carelessly. Then he looked back at her, daring her to ask more questions.

Encouraged by the responses she'd received, she said, "Is he seeing anyone or is he single?"

"He's not seeing anyone."

Her heart did a few somersaults. "Really?"

Shin didn't know if he should be pleased or disgusted by how his reply had brightened her entire demeanor. Her face now held an expression that was a combination of both relief and delight. Regardless of what she said, it was now clear that asking him out to dinner really had nothing to do with him. It was all about Pil Suh, Pil Suh, Pil Suh! He'd never liked that name but right now, he wished he could brutally murder and cremate it. Looking at her smiling to herself cleared any confusion he'd had about how her reaction to Pil Suh's single status had affected him. Right then, all he felt was disgust. Most of the disgust was directed at himself because if he hadn't selfishly written those letters to her, they wouldn't be in such a crazy situation.

"So he's single, huh?"

Shin nodded.

She grinned then leaned towards him in a conspiratory fashion. "If he weren't single, what kind of girl would he be dating? What's his type?"

"Obese, ugly, dumb girls with bad breath," he snapped. "Why are you badgering me with all these questions? How do you expect me to know? Am I his personal secretary?"

"Sorry." Ji Won couldn't quite figure out what had triggered such a reaction but one thing she did know was that it was time to drop the subject.

They spent the next few minutes in silence and after eating their dessert, went their separate ways.

Ji Won went home pleased that Pil Suh was single while Shin went home determined to come up with a solution to the problem. From what he could see, there was no way that he, Shin, could ever be with Ji Won. But on the other hand, since that meant that Pil Suh couldn't be with her either, he had to figure out how he could make that happen without hurting her feelings. There was nothing he could do about his heart but hers? He had to come up with a solution before everything went spiraling out of control.



***



Ji Won pulled the comforter over her head and turned to her side to find a more comfortable spot on her bed. Then she tossed in the opposite direction. When she still wasn't comfortable, she turned to her back and looked up at the ceiling. She'd taken a shower and jumped into bed almost twenty minutes earlier but it appeared that sleep was taking its sweet time.

She was embarrassed by how excited she was to learn that Pil Suh was single but also nervous about what that meant. Even though she continuously tried to talk herself out of her feelings for him, she couldn't help herself. As far as she knew, there was still a good chance that the feelings were one-sided but from her side, she really felt that she'd connected with him on an intellectual level. Plus it was quite refreshing to get to know a man without sex, in any of its various forms, interfering.

Even though it had been a while, she'd always enjoyed the euphoria of a new relationship but now, it was time to find out if it was real or imagined. Suddenly empowered, she switched on her lamp, jumped off her bed, ripped out a sheet of paper from her notebook and grabbed a pen.





Pil Suh,



How are you? I hope all is well. How's the writing coming along? It looks like you've slowed down a bit and I think that's great. It's good to take a break every now and then. This might be the last letter you receive from me before you're treatment ends so I think this might be the best time for me to write this to you. As you may or may not know, I was engaged up till about 8 months ago.



She went into details about her relationship with Joon Young and how it ended.



This is even harder to talk about but while I was on the honeymoon, I met your agent, Jo Jin Mo. We spent some time together and I guess you can say that I got to know him a bit. I'm not ashamed of anything I did over there and as time passes, I feel less and less embarrassed about it. I'm not going to make any excuses for my actions but I felt that you ought to know about it since you're close to him.

What is this all about? I don't know. Or maybe I think I know but I'm not sure? I'll just like you to know that I've really enjoyed writing to you these past weeks. Your letters have been a joy to receive and I'm not quite sure what it all means but I was wondering if we could meet in the next week or so? Nothing fancy but just you and I meeting to talk. But not about your book. So it won't be during work hours.

Feel free to respond in any way and understand that I'll respect it regardless. So don't feel pressured to accept my invitation.



I look forward to hearing from you. And as always, stay healthy.



Take care,

Ji Won.



***



The next day, Ji Won was at work talking to a colleague when her phone rang. She excused herself and answered it.

"Kyung Ho ah, what's up?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to confirm something. This Pil Suh guy…"

Ji Won's heart flipped. "Yes?" she asked with trepidation. What had he found?

"You said he's in his 40s?"

"Or late 30s."

"Hmm… and how tall?"

"Like, maybe my height?" Ji Won tried to remember the shoes she'd worn when she met him. "He could be slightly shorter."

"So did this guy lie on his driver's license?" he mused. "It says he's taller. And maybe it's an old photo because he looks quite trim. And he isn't in his late 30s – he's 32."

Ji Won almost choked on air. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm dead serious. Unless it's the wrong Yoon Pil Suh but I think I have the right one. Where did you say you met him?"

"At a restaurant. He came to see me with his agent."

"Who's his agent?"

"Jo Jin Mo." Ji Won tried to remember what his face looked like. "I guess it's possible that he's thirty-two. Maybe he's just one of those guys who looks older than their age."

"Yeah," Kyung Ho replied, unconvinced. "Well, so far, he doesn't have a criminal record but then again, no record of a drug problem. But those are usually confidential unless the treatment is court-ordered. Anyway, I'll keep digging."

"Or maybe you can stop digging and give your friend some support?" She told him about the letter she'd written and how she was going to ask Shin to give it to him the next time they met. "So do I have your support?"

"We'll see," he said after a long pause.