"What is this?" Ji Won roared, holding up her edited first chapter. The thoughts of Aruba and the way he'd kissed her passionately while inside of her had disappeared the second she saw all the red comments Pil Suh had made beside her edits in blue.
After receiving the chapters from Shin, she'd already been on her way out when she took a peek at the contents of the envelope and recognized the first page. She'd pulled it out and there it was -edits of her edits. She turned around to face Shin who'd been walking her to the door.
He jerked back to avoid her hand and raised both of his brows. "What does it look like?" Depending on her reaction, it might prove to be hard to pretend he hadn't written those responses himself but he felt he was up to the challenge.
"He isn't expected to start editing till he's finished the entire book. He was only meant to incorporate my suggestions into future chapters."
Shin crossed his arms and shrugged. "So what? He didn't like them."
At the moment she opened her mouth the reply, they heard the roar of thunder and shortly after, the sound of heavy rain falling.
Ji Won sighed and scratched her head furiously. "Can this day get any worse?" And as if in response, her Shinhwa ringtone blared from her bag. "Excuse me," she said as she pulled out her phone. After reading the caller id, she frowned and muttered, "I guess this day can get worse."
She dropped the phone back into her bag and looked back at the manuscript in her hand but of course, the phone kept ringing.
"Aren't you going to answer it?" Shin asked curiously. Her disorientation was reminiscent of how she'd been the first day they'd met and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. "You can always turn it off if you don't want to answer it."
She smiled at him wearily but didn't do anything. She would have loved to turn it off but since it was technically still work hours, she couldn't so as to make sure she was reachable by her work colleagues. "I'm sure he'll soon give up."
But unfortunately, he didn't.
So after the phone began to ring for the second round, she grabbed it, dropped her bag and the manuscript on the nearest surface then excused herself and walked a few feet away from Shin and next to the window. She flipped it open. "Yes?"
"Hey," Joon Young replied. "You haven't returned my call for over a week. So I decided to give try my luck again. How are you?"
"I'm fine. Do you need something?"
"Nothing much. I just want to call. You know I miss hearing your voice."
Ji Won sighed. Sometimes, she wondered if she was crazy for not blocking his number. There was a month that she'd spent almost every waking hour battling this ssue. She must have blocked and unblocked his number a hundred times but yet in the end, she'd decided to keep taking his calls.
He'd been a huge part of her life for so long and even though on most days, she felt that she was completely over him, there were those random moments, while she was driving or maybe even taking out the trash she'd suddenly feel a sharp pain in her chest and realize that she missed him.
"Ji Won ah," he said, breezily, "let's get back together. This girl I'm seeing… she's beautiful and sweet but it's not the same thing, you know? So let's stop wasting time and get married. I'll show up this time," he joked.
She groaned. Why did he insist on saying things he knew would annoy her? She was about to make a cutting remark when she glanced back and caught Shin looked at her curiously. She look a deep breath in and said, "Look, I'm with a client. Please don't call me unless you have something reasonable to say. Don't make me block your number. Bye." Without waiting for a response, she hung up and turned around.
She apologized again to Shin then glanced at the window. "Since the rain doesn't look like it's letting out, would you mind if I sat here and took a quick look at your client's comments?"
***
Ji Won rubbed her temples and groaned. "Does your client really expect me to do double work? This is ridiculous," she said, reading some of the comments on the sheet. Some of them were valid but most had been rudely phrased. She could understand him being upset by her critiques but he certainly didn't have to be so rude about it. She fell back into her chair and hung her head back in resignation. "I really don't even understand writers and their egos. Doesn't he understand that I'm trying to help him?"
"He does," Shin said watching her closely, "but you also have to remember that you're not editing a cookbook. Maybe you should approach things from a more realistic angle."
Ji Won ignored his comment and flipped over to the next page. "If you don't mind, I'll like to look over this carefully and hand it back to you today. I really don't want to take this back with me. And I hope your client understands I won't be editing each draft twice."
Shin wanted to mention that if she edited each draft properly the first time, there wouldn't be a need for her redo it but all he said was, "Okay."
"Uhm, if you don't mind, I'll like to take a look at this now," she reminded him.
Taking that as his cue to leave, after offering her a drink she refused, he walked over to the living room and switched on the television. As he lay sprawled on the couch, she stayed sitting at the table, and for the next ten or so minutes, the only sounds they heard came from the television and the rain beating against the windows.
After she left, Shin picked up the manuscript she'd returned to him and read the note she'd scribbled at the bottom of the last page:
Mr. Yoon,
How are you doing? I hope all is well and I wish you a speedy recovery.
I read your comments and since we can't speak, I'll respond here.
For starters, I love your work and think that your story is interesting. I'm quite a thorough editor so please, don't mistake my suggestions for insults.
So far, I've noticed a few things about your writing. Since it's a first person POV narration, as you can see, a lot of my comments relate to wanting to 'feel' a bit more of your personality. By rearranging some words and suggesting you expand or contract on some parts, all I'm trying to do is make your writing sparkle.
I don't expect you to start editing till you've finished with your first draft but I only made those suggestions so that you can keep them in mind as you write.
I respect your immense talent so please don't take my comments as a slight or judgment against your writing. The simple fact is that I want us to come up with the best work we've both done so far. Isn't that what every author wants to achieve with every new book? Your name will be on the cover of this book and I just want to help you make it the best it can be. I am more than willing to explain my reasoning and you definitely don't have to incorporate all my suggestions in your rewrite but please be open-minded and flexible and maybe you'll see that some of my comments make sense.
Please, let's both be courteous to each other so that we can have a pleasurable and memorable working experience together.
Take care,
Ji Won.
Shin re-read the note and shook his head. Then he laughed. She sure did know how to be diplomatic about calling him out on his tantrum. Even though he'd been angered by her edits, he did have to grudgingly admit that some of what she's suggested had made a lot of sense. Even though he'd yet to write any new chapters, he picked up a piece of paper and scribbled his reply to her:
Miss Na (may I call you Ji Won)?
You sure know how to put a man in his place. After reading your note, I guess I'd better shut up and take it like a man, huh?
Please excuse my childishness. My ego was bruised by your very busy blue pen. I hope you didn't get carpal tunnel from all that slashing. Please understand that my writing ability gets exalted by everyone (except disgruntled readers on amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and every other online bookstore) and your comments reminded me so much of my first hate mail. Okay, my first 100 hate mails. I really don't want to get into it right now but let's just say that it wasn't pretty. But yes, let's work together. How are you, by the way?
Pil Suh.
When Ji Won received the next chapter from Shin, she hadn't been expecting to receive a reply from him and as she was still a few chapters behind, had only seen it by chance. On the next chapter she returned, she scribbled:
Mr. Yoon,
I'm glad we're on the same page. How am I, you asked? Well, I woke up this morning with a huge headache but when I remembered that I had millions of your chapters to edit, I took enough painkillers to last me till the next millennium. Not that I don't love reading your work but don't you rest? Maybe take a break from all that writing and maybe paint. Or do some woodwork. Heck, needlework if you're so inclined. smile.gif I hope you're taking things easy. The only people who call me Miss Na are bill collectors so yes, call me Ji Won.
Ji Won.
Miss Na Ji Won,
First of all, stop calling me "Mr. Yoon." I know I am old but you don't have to keep pointing it out. Pil Suh is fine or Suh if you're feeling lazy. Or just P if you're really, really lazy or need a break after all that editing. So I shall call you Ji Won. It's such a cute name and if you don't mind my saying, fits the owner to a T.
Pil Suh.
P… oh gosh, I'm too tired to write your full name out wink.gif,
If I said "Pil Suh" fit its owner to a T, would that be considered an insult? Hahaha. Just kidding. I apologize for not editing the chapters at the rate you write but I must confess that I do not have super-strength. I just read the chapter about your mother leaving you with your great-grandma's friends after her death and I must admit that I got quite teary. And what made it worse was that you didn't even know she was your mother at the time. From your tone, I suspect that you've since forgiven her. How did you manage to do that? How long did it take? And while you were angry at her, did you still love her? And at one point, did you think that you'd never forgive her? I'm sorry for asking so many questions and if you think I'm being too nosy, please don't answer them and forgiven me.
Ji Won.
Ji Won,
I must say that I've never really held any grudge against my biological mother because by the time I realized who she was, I already knew why she'd left me with my grandmother and in a few chapters, you'll know it too. Well, that's not completely true. I did resent her for a while but I got over it. How? By realizing that my anger couldn't erase the past. Once that sunk in, I moved on. It probably helped that I was also very young, and as you know, everything is far less complicated when you're a child. I won't ask why you're curious because I'm sure it's too personal for you to share.
Now, for something more lighthearted, what is, "please… forgiven me?" You call yourself an editor and you're making more literary blunders than I (or is it, 'than me' Madam Editor, or is it Editoress?) I urge you to read, reread and read again every single word you write to me. I will not accept such sloppiness!
Pil Suh.
Pil Suh,
I apologize, your highness. Madan Editoress apologizes for such a huge blunder. I would explain it all to you, something about a dog and my homework but I suspect you're not interested in hearing how that 'n' snuck in there.
Moving on. Something I've always wondered…
After Shin read the rest of her note, he sat back in his computer chair and stared at the ceiling. In the past few days, receiving more notes from her had been his sole motivation for completing new chapters. What exactly was happening? And was it even normal to be so excited by a few scribbles at the bottom of an 8 by 11 sheet of paper?
***
"I take it that Pil Suh is your type?" Shin asked as he walked alongside Ji Won.
Ji Won was far too interested in reading the contents of the brown envelope he'd just given to her to pay attention to his question.
By now, they'd been exchanging notes for more than two weeks and it had gotten so bad that she usually read them before even looking at his chapters. They'd graduated from short paragraphs to pages and pages of letters and it had been a while any of those additional notes had referred to anything remotely related to writing. She still enjoyed reading and editing his work but those little notes were like caramel on top of her sundae – very sweet and it made her feel all gooey on the inside.
She understood that she was slowly falling for the guy but didn't think that anything would come out of it, not really. After all, he was a huge star, and even though he wasn't conventionally handsome, he could probably still get any woman he wanted.
Besides, it wasn't her style to mix business with pleasure, even though, so far, they'd somehow managed to find a mix that worked. Maybe it had a lot to do with the fact it was entirely in text form so it was a somewhat fantastical flirtation – one where they didn't meet or speak. One where she was at home and he was stuck in rehab. She didn't see how it could turn into something real but she was determined to enjoy it for as long as possible.
"So is he your type?" Shin repeated.
Her relationship with Shin almost didn't exist these days because there rarely met for longer than a few minutes as they simply just exchanged envelopes and parted. She found it a little humorous that now she was into reading his client's letters, her attraction to him seemed to wane.
Ji Won looked at him curiously. "What are you talking about?"
Shin looked away. Okay, ever since they'd begun to exchange letters, all those fantasies about trying to avenge his pride had pretty much disappeared. Now, the only thing that could get his mind off wanting to kiss her senselessly, was writing like a demon. But unfortunately (or fortunately?), more writing meant he got to see her often which meant constantly fighting the urge to grab and kiss her till her lips swelled up.
On one hand, he wanted to reveal his true identity so they could stop the World War I-style correspondence and really get to know each other properly. But on the other hand, he had this nagging feeling that she probably only liked "Pil Suh the writer" because she barely acknowledged "Shin" whenever they met. All she cared about was receiving the new chapter and opening up to the last few pages to make sure Pil Suh had sent a new letter.
"Are you going to answer me today?" she asked impatiently, her eyes darting from his face to the chapter in her hand.
Shin ran a nervous hand through the back of his hair and with the other, pointed at the envelope. "I just figured," he said shrugging, "that maybe you liked him a little?"
"How's that any of your business? And why are you reading my stuff?" she asked, immediately holding the envelope to her stomach protectively. "This is private, you know. Please don't read it."
Shin tried to ignore her dismissive tone. "It's not a big deal. I was just curious about the type of guys you like. I guess you like the older, more mature type?"
"Older type? What are you talking—" Her word were cut short by the sight of Joon Young's father. "Abonim," she said, breaking into a smile. She excused herself from Shin, walked over and hugged him.
"Daughter-in-law, how are you?" he teased, hugging her. He'd been out for lunch when he spotted her talking to a tall man in front of a coffee shop. Since he still hoped she'd get back with his son, he'd decided to investigate her relationship with this man. He looked at Shin curiously. "And who might this be?"
"Oh, he's my writer's agent," she said, flinging her empty hand and not looking at him. After both men exchanged pleasantries, she said, "How have you been doing, Abonim? How was your trip?"
"It was lovely," he said, relieved that she was still single. He glanced at Shin who was now frowning then turned back to her. "We all need to go to the country every now and then to remember what it feels like to breathe fresh air. Oh, by the way," he said, pulling her aside, "my stupid son says you guys have been talking again."
Ji Won frowned. "About what?" She glanced at Shin and waved. "Hey, I guess I'll see you later. Call me when Pil Suh's got a new chapter," she said before walking off with Joon Young's father.
***
"What's so funny?" Kyung Ho asked Ji Won.
She looked up from the sheet of Pil Suh's latest letter and smiled. "Nothing. It's just that Suh was telling me a funny story about something that happened to him on a flight to Amsterdam." She leaned forward to him. "So what happened—"
Kyung Ho raised his hand. "Dude, I'm not interested in hearing it. Honestly, I am not interested in hearing any of his stories. As fun as you think they might be, trust me, they aren't. It's probably why Mi Na isn't here yet – she's trying to avoid hearing you recount some boring ass story about…"
Ji Won raised her hand to stop him from talking then shook her head and laughed. "Gosh, you're just jealous."
"Yes, I'm jealous that I am not in a letter-writing relationship with a drug addict? Yeah, you got me," he said, hissing.
All traces of humor left her. "He's not a drug addict. He used to be. Jin Mo told me that he didn't really lapse. Just that he got stressed about working with a new editor and as a result, had very strong craving. He knew he was in danger so he checked himself into the clinic."
Kyung Ho rolled his eyes. "You sure know how to pick 'em. I can't believe you're trying to justify drug abuse."
"How am I justifying anything? And what's your problem? You never had a negative word to say about Joon Young the whole time we were dating so what's this crap about how I know how to pick them? And what's wrong with Suh? You've never even met him and you've already judged him," she said, getting more incensed with every passing moment. And it didn't help that Kyung Ho's sarcastic, bored expression didn't appear to be leaving anytime soon.
"This guy has been honest from the beginning and I think he's sweet," she continued. "What's the big deal? I'm sure nothing will ever come out of it but can I at least have a little fun without you judging me? He's short, chubby, older than I'd like, but he's a successful man who's trying to take responsibility for his life! Why in the world does he deserve your derision? Why?"
Kyung Ho watched her temper rise with increasing interest. He didn't say anything and instead just stared at her.
Ji Won for her part, glared back at him till her face softened as she realized that she'd just let out a mini-tirade.
Kyung Ho remained silent for a few moments before chuckling and saying, "Do you really like him this much?"
Ji Won sighed and hung her head in shame. Did she really like a man she'd only met once? "Yes," she replied sheepishily.
Chapter 13
"I don't know," Ji Won said, shrugging. "I don't know what it is about them but I read his letters and smile. Isn't that crazy?" She took a deep breath in and thought back to what he'd written in one of his letters about writing allowing him to explore sides of himself he never knew existed. She'd written back asking him what side of him made it easy to write horror but he'd written back and quipped that since she'd never completed any of his novels, she really didn't know much about what he wrote. She smiled then looked at her friends. "This is just too crazy."
Mi Na, who'd arrived a few minutes earlier, nodded. "It's crazy. But what's even crazier is that I haven't seen you smile this much in quite sometime." She giggled. "I wonder what Eun Hee Unnie is going to say when she gets back. She thinks you've been hiding your depression for a while but looking at you now…. You're not that good of an actress."
Ji Won laughed and shook her head.
Eun Hee was another of Ji Won's friends who was away on business.
"Unnie," Mi Na continued, reaching across and taking her sister's hand "I think you should go for it."
She took her hand back and blushed. "Go for what? There's nothing to go for. And even if there was, is it even ethical?"
Kyung Ho groaned. "Ethical? Aren't you both adults? And don't try to act all coy when you know you've been having dreams about the old, fat man—"
"He's not old and fat! He's may be in his late 30s or at worst, early 40s. And he's not fat. Yeah, maybe he has a little weight around his belly," she said, holding her hands a few inches away from her body, "and whatever, he just has a little bit of extra weight but it's not unattractive. You're judging someone you've never met."
Kyung Ho shook his head in irritation. "I'm only going by your description. And so what if he writes nice letters? Big deal. Have you forgotten that he's… yeah, what's it called? A WRITER?"
Mi Na sent him a warning look. If her sister found someone she liked, meaning that she'd truly moved on from Joon Young, she was 100% behind it, regardless of who he was. "Unnie, ignore him. For one, it's not unethical because it's not like a doctor-patient relationship. Secondly, yes, he's a writer but you said yourself that you didn't really like his novels."
She nodded. "But I only read one. Maybe the others are better?"
Mi Na tsked. "Don't let him," she said, raising the corner of her lip and pointing at Kyung Ho, "talk you out of it. Let's not forget that he's currently with a girl he absolutely loves on some days and loathes on others. This isn't someone that should be giving relationship advice."
"Says the girl who hasn't been on a date in this millennium," he countered.
"Was that supposed to sting? Because if it was, try harder. I'm single by choice – it's not like I don't have offers. But I'll stop being single when I meet someone I like which is what Unnie should be doing," she said, turning to her sister and smiling. "If you like him, then go for it. Don't listen to what this guy says. I don't know what his problem is."
Kyung Ho rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Gosh," he said, rolling his eyes, "if she likes him then she should date him." He turned to Ji Won. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again. That's all it is," he said softly.
"But does that mean she should die alone or what?" Mi Na wasn't going to let him off so easily.
"No," he said, blinking rapidly. "I just think that we don't really know anything about this guy. If it was someone you actually saw one-on-one, I'd be all for it. But sending letters? She knows nothing about him."
"Hello, she's editing his memoir," Mi Na pointed out.
He hissed. "You guys know what I mean. Ji Won ah, you only know what he wants you to know. Let me do some background checking on him first."
Kyung Ho worked at a federal agency so they knew he wasn't suggesting it lightly and from past experiences, they were sure he could uncover even the most hidden secrets.
"How romantic," Mi Na muttered under her breath.
Ji Won sighed and looked away. Kyung Ho sure knew how to rain on a person's parade. She'd never suspected Suh to be anything other than he'd presented himself as but he just had to jump in and kill it.
Mi Na turned to him. "And when you're satisfied that he's not a psycho killer, will you stop making thinly veiled barbs and support your best friend 100%?"
He nodded. "Yes. And if later on, they realize that he needs Viagra, I can tell him where my father buys it in bulk."
***
"Ajusshi, are you leaving now?" Jin Mo's little daughter whined, holding on to Shin's leg. "Don't go."
Shin laughed and rubbed her head. "I have to go now but I'll be back soon, okay?"
He had accepted an invitation to dine with Jin Mo's family to catch up with him and discuss the progress of the memoir. After spending almost three hours there, he was on his way out.
"Sweetie," Jin Mo cajoled, pulling his daughter away from Shin. "Let him go. He'll be back soon."
A few minutes later, he shut the door behind them and followed Shin to his car. "I didn't want to talk about this in there but have you figured out what you're going to do about Miss Na?"
Shin shrugged. "Like what?"
"Like what's going to happen after you or I or whomever returns from rehab?"
Shin took a deep breath in and turned around. "Yeah, there's something I want to talk to you about."
Jin Mo groaned. "Now what?" Shin's little multiple personality game seemed to worsen every time they spoke. He put his hands behind his head and walked towards the small patch of grass in front of his house. He'd come out in slippers so he walked carefully so as not to get his feet wet.
Shin scratched the back of his head then unlocked his car. He leaned against it and warned, "You might want to sit down for this."
A few minutes later, after Shin filled him in on all the details, both men were leaning against Shin's car.
"I used to think you were so smart," Jin Mo said after a few moments of silence.
"Hyung, come on."
"No, I'm serious. How did you let it get this far? Right from that first day you pretended you were me, what kind of outcome were you expecting? What exactly were you hoping to achieve? I was amused before but now it's crossed the line. How unprofessional of you, Yoon Shin! And as if it wasn't bad enough, you've started writing love letters to her! What's that about? You start off being mad at her now you're exchanging love letters?"
"They aren't love letters," Shin protested.
"I don't care what they are!" Jin Mo got off the car and started to pace in front of it. "You need to fix this."
Shin cleared his throat. "Yes, I know that. That's why I need your help."
"How?" Jin Mo asked without looking at him.
"Well, you're supposed to return from rehab in about a week so I think that when you meet her again, you should be very professional. Maybe a little cold. Then she'll realize there's nothing between you and it can all end."
"Except you like her. From what I can see, there is something going on."
Shin wanted to lie but he decided that it was pointless. "But it doesn't matter because she doesn't like me. It's not about me. It's about you or him or whoever she thinks she's writing to. And trust me; she definitely doesn't think she's writing to me. If she did, we wouldn't be in this mess because she's not interested in me at all," he said putting his hand on his chest.
Jin Mo's heart was softened by the hurt he heard in his friend's voice but it disappeared a second later when he remembered that it was all of his doing. "So you want me to pretend to be you. But what happens after that first meeting? Am I expected to pretend to be you till you finish the book? Do you think I have that much time? Are you my only client? Then what happens when it's published and you have a press conference? Am I still expected to pretend to be you just so she never discovers Yoon Pil Suh's true identity? Can you see how ridiculous this all sounds? At some point, this charade has to end so don't drag it any longer. End it now."
***
"Hello," Shin said the moment he arrived at the table. "You're always early for everything, aren't you?" He pulled out a chair and sat across from her. It was amazing how just seeing her could mess with his senses. He looked away so that she wouldn't think he was staring at her.
"Yeah, I can't help myself. For a few years I was always late so now I think I'm overcompensating," she said through stilted laughter. She wringed her hands under the table and tried to rub away the sudden nervousness. "I'm sorry I called at such short notice. I hope it didn't interfere with any of your other plans."
Shin shook his head. "No, I was free. And intrigued by the invitation."
On his drive home from Jin Mo's place, she'd called to set up a meeting. When he told her that he didn't have any new chapters ready, she confessed that the meeting wasn't business-related. Even though he tried not to, he'd spent the entire day thinking about it. The thought of spending time with her talking about something other than his memoir both scared and excited him. He didn't want to read much into it, but the invitation had been so out of the blue. Just before he got to the restaurant, he hoped he'd misread all the signs and that somehow, she really did like him -the Shin she'd met so many months earlier.
Ji Won looked down and hid her eyes behind mascara-thickened lashes. "I'm glad you came."
They made small talk and after their entrees arrived, chewed their food in silence for a few minutes.
"I hope you like your meal," Ji Won said. "I wasn't sure what kind of food you liked."
Shin put his fork down and looked at her. "You say that like we've never spent any time together. And I'm not just talking about the time we've spent working on this project." As per usual, he observed that she was looking lovely and although her hair and make-up were in place, in her black pants and red top, she looked rather dressed down. So was it a date or not?
Ji Won, too, put down her cutlery and looked at him uncertainly. She could already feel the blood rushing to her face but decided to pretend not to notice it. "That's why I asked you out today."
"Oh?" Shin's eyebrow shot up.
She picked up the napkin on her lap and played with it to keep her hands steady. "I don't think I've ever really explained what happened in Aruba and I think we should clear the air."
He laughed. "There's air to clear? Isn't it already ancient history?"
"No. I'm sure you've figured it out but let me explain, okay?"
"Go ahead."
"As you know, I was engaged before I met you in Aruba. We'd been together for about 5 years. I thought he was the man of my dreams and from the day I met him, till our wedding day, I adored him. So when he didn't show up to marry me, I was devastated. I probably wasn't thinking rationally when I decided to go on our honeymoon anyway, but I did. And that was when I met you. It was only supposed to be a fling, you know. No strings attached. It wasn't meant to be real, you know? I don't think either of us had any expectations, after all, I pretended to be Alex and you pretended to be Shin."
"I am Shin," he interjected. "That's my name. I never gave you a fake name."
Her mouth formed into an O. "Really? But how come…?" She furrowed her brows then shook her head. "That's not important now. Now, I want to apologize for not saying goodbye properly. Fling or no fling, you deserved better. I was a coward - I didn't want it to be awkward or weird so I tried to avoid that. It wasn't personal. I had a nice time, you know?"
"I do? You said you faked it."
She burst out laughing but when she looked up and saw that his face was straight and devoid of any humor, she stopped. "You still remember that? Forget what I said and let's forget about it all and try to be friends."
He narrowed his eyes. He couldn't help but notice that she was acting exactly as she had when they'd first met in Aruba; when she had an agenda. "You want to be friends with me?"
She nodded. "Sure, why not?" She picked up her fork and knife and cut into her steak. "Let's eat before our food gets cold."
After their plates had been cleared and they were waiting for their dessert, Ji Won cleared her throat. "So about Pil Suh…."
"About Pil Suh?" he repeated. "Was anyone talking about him?"
"No. But I want to talk about him now," she said smiling.
Shin frowned. "You said this wasn't a business meeting."
She nodded. "It's not."
He folded his arms and sat back into his chair. "So the real reason you called me was to pick my brain about Pil Suh? Is that what this is about?"
"No!" For the second time at dinner, blood rushed to her face. "I'm just curious. He gets out of rehab next week and I'm just curious about him," she spat. The way he was looking at her, like he was trying to pierce through her skin with his eyes made her feel uncomfortable. "You don't have to answer them if you don't want to." She picked up her glass and sipped some wine.
Shin lifted his glass and took a sip of his drink. "So what do you want to know?"
After a moment of silence she asked, "Is he married?"
"No."
"Divorced? Does he have any kids?"
He dropped his glass and looked away. "Not divorced. No kids," he said carelessly. Then he looked back at her, daring her to ask more questions.
Encouraged by the responses she'd received, she said, "Is he seeing anyone or is he single?"
"He's not seeing anyone."
Her heart did a few somersaults. "Really?"
Shin didn't know if he should be pleased or disgusted by how his reply had brightened her entire demeanor. Her face now held an expression that was a combination of both relief and delight. Regardless of what she said, it was now clear that asking him out to dinner really had nothing to do with him. It was all about Pil Suh, Pil Suh, Pil Suh! He'd never liked that name but right now, he wished he could brutally murder and cremate it. Looking at her smiling to herself cleared any confusion he'd had about how her reaction to Pil Suh's single status had affected him. Right then, all he felt was disgust. Most of the disgust was directed at himself because if he hadn't selfishly written those letters to her, they wouldn't be in such a crazy situation.
"So he's single, huh?"
Shin nodded.
She grinned then leaned towards him in a conspiratory fashion. "If he weren't single, what kind of girl would he be dating? What's his type?"
"Obese, ugly, dumb girls with bad breath," he snapped. "Why are you badgering me with all these questions? How do you expect me to know? Am I his personal secretary?"
"Sorry." Ji Won couldn't quite figure out what had triggered such a reaction but one thing she did know was that it was time to drop the subject.
They spent the next few minutes in silence and after eating their dessert, went their separate ways.
Ji Won went home pleased that Pil Suh was single while Shin went home determined to come up with a solution to the problem. From what he could see, there was no way that he, Shin, could ever be with Ji Won. But on the other hand, since that meant that Pil Suh couldn't be with her either, he had to figure out how he could make that happen without hurting her feelings. There was nothing he could do about his heart but hers? He had to come up with a solution before everything went spiraling out of control.
***
Ji Won pulled the comforter over her head and turned to her side to find a more comfortable spot on her bed. Then she tossed in the opposite direction. When she still wasn't comfortable, she turned to her back and looked up at the ceiling. She'd taken a shower and jumped into bed almost twenty minutes earlier but it appeared that sleep was taking its sweet time.
She was embarrassed by how excited she was to learn that Pil Suh was single but also nervous about what that meant. Even though she continuously tried to talk herself out of her feelings for him, she couldn't help herself. As far as she knew, there was still a good chance that the feelings were one-sided but from her side, she really felt that she'd connected with him on an intellectual level. Plus it was quite refreshing to get to know a man without sex, in any of its various forms, interfering.
Even though it had been a while, she'd always enjoyed the euphoria of a new relationship but now, it was time to find out if it was real or imagined. Suddenly empowered, she switched on her lamp, jumped off her bed, ripped out a sheet of paper from her notebook and grabbed a pen.
Pil Suh,
How are you? I hope all is well. How's the writing coming along? It looks like you've slowed down a bit and I think that's great. It's good to take a break every now and then. This might be the last letter you receive from me before you're treatment ends so I think this might be the best time for me to write this to you. As you may or may not know, I was engaged up till about 8 months ago.
She went into details about her relationship with Joon Young and how it ended.
This is even harder to talk about but while I was on the honeymoon, I met your agent, Jo Jin Mo. We spent some time together and I guess you can say that I got to know him a bit. I'm not ashamed of anything I did over there and as time passes, I feel less and less embarrassed about it. I'm not going to make any excuses for my actions but I felt that you ought to know about it since you're close to him.
What is this all about? I don't know. Or maybe I think I know but I'm not sure? I'll just like you to know that I've really enjoyed writing to you these past weeks. Your letters have been a joy to receive and I'm not quite sure what it all means but I was wondering if we could meet in the next week or so? Nothing fancy but just you and I meeting to talk. But not about your book. So it won't be during work hours.
Feel free to respond in any way and understand that I'll respect it regardless. So don't feel pressured to accept my invitation.
I look forward to hearing from you. And as always, stay healthy.
Take care,
Ji Won.
***
The next day, Ji Won was at work talking to a colleague when her phone rang. She excused herself and answered it.
"Kyung Ho ah, what's up?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to confirm something. This Pil Suh guy…"
Ji Won's heart flipped. "Yes?" she asked with trepidation. What had he found?
"You said he's in his 40s?"
"Or late 30s."
"Hmm… and how tall?"
"Like, maybe my height?" Ji Won tried to remember the shoes she'd worn when she met him. "He could be slightly shorter."
"So did this guy lie on his driver's license?" he mused. "It says he's taller. And maybe it's an old photo because he looks quite trim. And he isn't in his late 30s – he's 32."
Ji Won almost choked on air. "Are you kidding me?"
"I'm dead serious. Unless it's the wrong Yoon Pil Suh but I think I have the right one. Where did you say you met him?"
"At a restaurant. He came to see me with his agent."
"Who's his agent?"
"Jo Jin Mo." Ji Won tried to remember what his face looked like. "I guess it's possible that he's thirty-two. Maybe he's just one of those guys who looks older than their age."
"Yeah," Kyung Ho replied, unconvinced. "Well, so far, he doesn't have a criminal record but then again, no record of a drug problem. But those are usually confidential unless the treatment is court-ordered. Anyway, I'll keep digging."
"Or maybe you can stop digging and give your friend some support?" She told him about the letter she'd written and how she was going to ask Shin to give it to him the next time they met. "So do I have your support?"
"We'll see," he said after a long pause.
Mi Na, who'd arrived a few minutes earlier, nodded. "It's crazy. But what's even crazier is that I haven't seen you smile this much in quite sometime." She giggled. "I wonder what Eun Hee Unnie is going to say when she gets back. She thinks you've been hiding your depression for a while but looking at you now…. You're not that good of an actress."
Ji Won laughed and shook her head.
Eun Hee was another of Ji Won's friends who was away on business.
"Unnie," Mi Na continued, reaching across and taking her sister's hand "I think you should go for it."
She took her hand back and blushed. "Go for what? There's nothing to go for. And even if there was, is it even ethical?"
Kyung Ho groaned. "Ethical? Aren't you both adults? And don't try to act all coy when you know you've been having dreams about the old, fat man—"
"He's not old and fat! He's may be in his late 30s or at worst, early 40s. And he's not fat. Yeah, maybe he has a little weight around his belly," she said, holding her hands a few inches away from her body, "and whatever, he just has a little bit of extra weight but it's not unattractive. You're judging someone you've never met."
Kyung Ho shook his head in irritation. "I'm only going by your description. And so what if he writes nice letters? Big deal. Have you forgotten that he's… yeah, what's it called? A WRITER?"
Mi Na sent him a warning look. If her sister found someone she liked, meaning that she'd truly moved on from Joon Young, she was 100% behind it, regardless of who he was. "Unnie, ignore him. For one, it's not unethical because it's not like a doctor-patient relationship. Secondly, yes, he's a writer but you said yourself that you didn't really like his novels."
She nodded. "But I only read one. Maybe the others are better?"
Mi Na tsked. "Don't let him," she said, raising the corner of her lip and pointing at Kyung Ho, "talk you out of it. Let's not forget that he's currently with a girl he absolutely loves on some days and loathes on others. This isn't someone that should be giving relationship advice."
"Says the girl who hasn't been on a date in this millennium," he countered.
"Was that supposed to sting? Because if it was, try harder. I'm single by choice – it's not like I don't have offers. But I'll stop being single when I meet someone I like which is what Unnie should be doing," she said, turning to her sister and smiling. "If you like him, then go for it. Don't listen to what this guy says. I don't know what his problem is."
Kyung Ho rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Gosh," he said, rolling his eyes, "if she likes him then she should date him." He turned to Ji Won. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again. That's all it is," he said softly.
"But does that mean she should die alone or what?" Mi Na wasn't going to let him off so easily.
"No," he said, blinking rapidly. "I just think that we don't really know anything about this guy. If it was someone you actually saw one-on-one, I'd be all for it. But sending letters? She knows nothing about him."
"Hello, she's editing his memoir," Mi Na pointed out.
He hissed. "You guys know what I mean. Ji Won ah, you only know what he wants you to know. Let me do some background checking on him first."
Kyung Ho worked at a federal agency so they knew he wasn't suggesting it lightly and from past experiences, they were sure he could uncover even the most hidden secrets.
"How romantic," Mi Na muttered under her breath.
Ji Won sighed and looked away. Kyung Ho sure knew how to rain on a person's parade. She'd never suspected Suh to be anything other than he'd presented himself as but he just had to jump in and kill it.
Mi Na turned to him. "And when you're satisfied that he's not a psycho killer, will you stop making thinly veiled barbs and support your best friend 100%?"
He nodded. "Yes. And if later on, they realize that he needs Viagra, I can tell him where my father buys it in bulk."
***
"Ajusshi, are you leaving now?" Jin Mo's little daughter whined, holding on to Shin's leg. "Don't go."
Shin laughed and rubbed her head. "I have to go now but I'll be back soon, okay?"
He had accepted an invitation to dine with Jin Mo's family to catch up with him and discuss the progress of the memoir. After spending almost three hours there, he was on his way out.
"Sweetie," Jin Mo cajoled, pulling his daughter away from Shin. "Let him go. He'll be back soon."
A few minutes later, he shut the door behind them and followed Shin to his car. "I didn't want to talk about this in there but have you figured out what you're going to do about Miss Na?"
Shin shrugged. "Like what?"
"Like what's going to happen after you or I or whomever returns from rehab?"
Shin took a deep breath in and turned around. "Yeah, there's something I want to talk to you about."
Jin Mo groaned. "Now what?" Shin's little multiple personality game seemed to worsen every time they spoke. He put his hands behind his head and walked towards the small patch of grass in front of his house. He'd come out in slippers so he walked carefully so as not to get his feet wet.
Shin scratched the back of his head then unlocked his car. He leaned against it and warned, "You might want to sit down for this."
A few minutes later, after Shin filled him in on all the details, both men were leaning against Shin's car.
"I used to think you were so smart," Jin Mo said after a few moments of silence.
"Hyung, come on."
"No, I'm serious. How did you let it get this far? Right from that first day you pretended you were me, what kind of outcome were you expecting? What exactly were you hoping to achieve? I was amused before but now it's crossed the line. How unprofessional of you, Yoon Shin! And as if it wasn't bad enough, you've started writing love letters to her! What's that about? You start off being mad at her now you're exchanging love letters?"
"They aren't love letters," Shin protested.
"I don't care what they are!" Jin Mo got off the car and started to pace in front of it. "You need to fix this."
Shin cleared his throat. "Yes, I know that. That's why I need your help."
"How?" Jin Mo asked without looking at him.
"Well, you're supposed to return from rehab in about a week so I think that when you meet her again, you should be very professional. Maybe a little cold. Then she'll realize there's nothing between you and it can all end."
"Except you like her. From what I can see, there is something going on."
Shin wanted to lie but he decided that it was pointless. "But it doesn't matter because she doesn't like me. It's not about me. It's about you or him or whoever she thinks she's writing to. And trust me; she definitely doesn't think she's writing to me. If she did, we wouldn't be in this mess because she's not interested in me at all," he said putting his hand on his chest.
Jin Mo's heart was softened by the hurt he heard in his friend's voice but it disappeared a second later when he remembered that it was all of his doing. "So you want me to pretend to be you. But what happens after that first meeting? Am I expected to pretend to be you till you finish the book? Do you think I have that much time? Are you my only client? Then what happens when it's published and you have a press conference? Am I still expected to pretend to be you just so she never discovers Yoon Pil Suh's true identity? Can you see how ridiculous this all sounds? At some point, this charade has to end so don't drag it any longer. End it now."
***
"Hello," Shin said the moment he arrived at the table. "You're always early for everything, aren't you?" He pulled out a chair and sat across from her. It was amazing how just seeing her could mess with his senses. He looked away so that she wouldn't think he was staring at her.
"Yeah, I can't help myself. For a few years I was always late so now I think I'm overcompensating," she said through stilted laughter. She wringed her hands under the table and tried to rub away the sudden nervousness. "I'm sorry I called at such short notice. I hope it didn't interfere with any of your other plans."
Shin shook his head. "No, I was free. And intrigued by the invitation."
On his drive home from Jin Mo's place, she'd called to set up a meeting. When he told her that he didn't have any new chapters ready, she confessed that the meeting wasn't business-related. Even though he tried not to, he'd spent the entire day thinking about it. The thought of spending time with her talking about something other than his memoir both scared and excited him. He didn't want to read much into it, but the invitation had been so out of the blue. Just before he got to the restaurant, he hoped he'd misread all the signs and that somehow, she really did like him -the Shin she'd met so many months earlier.
Ji Won looked down and hid her eyes behind mascara-thickened lashes. "I'm glad you came."
They made small talk and after their entrees arrived, chewed their food in silence for a few minutes.
"I hope you like your meal," Ji Won said. "I wasn't sure what kind of food you liked."
Shin put his fork down and looked at her. "You say that like we've never spent any time together. And I'm not just talking about the time we've spent working on this project." As per usual, he observed that she was looking lovely and although her hair and make-up were in place, in her black pants and red top, she looked rather dressed down. So was it a date or not?
Ji Won, too, put down her cutlery and looked at him uncertainly. She could already feel the blood rushing to her face but decided to pretend not to notice it. "That's why I asked you out today."
"Oh?" Shin's eyebrow shot up.
She picked up the napkin on her lap and played with it to keep her hands steady. "I don't think I've ever really explained what happened in Aruba and I think we should clear the air."
He laughed. "There's air to clear? Isn't it already ancient history?"
"No. I'm sure you've figured it out but let me explain, okay?"
"Go ahead."
"As you know, I was engaged before I met you in Aruba. We'd been together for about 5 years. I thought he was the man of my dreams and from the day I met him, till our wedding day, I adored him. So when he didn't show up to marry me, I was devastated. I probably wasn't thinking rationally when I decided to go on our honeymoon anyway, but I did. And that was when I met you. It was only supposed to be a fling, you know. No strings attached. It wasn't meant to be real, you know? I don't think either of us had any expectations, after all, I pretended to be Alex and you pretended to be Shin."
"I am Shin," he interjected. "That's my name. I never gave you a fake name."
Her mouth formed into an O. "Really? But how come…?" She furrowed her brows then shook her head. "That's not important now. Now, I want to apologize for not saying goodbye properly. Fling or no fling, you deserved better. I was a coward - I didn't want it to be awkward or weird so I tried to avoid that. It wasn't personal. I had a nice time, you know?"
"I do? You said you faked it."
She burst out laughing but when she looked up and saw that his face was straight and devoid of any humor, she stopped. "You still remember that? Forget what I said and let's forget about it all and try to be friends."
He narrowed his eyes. He couldn't help but notice that she was acting exactly as she had when they'd first met in Aruba; when she had an agenda. "You want to be friends with me?"
She nodded. "Sure, why not?" She picked up her fork and knife and cut into her steak. "Let's eat before our food gets cold."
After their plates had been cleared and they were waiting for their dessert, Ji Won cleared her throat. "So about Pil Suh…."
"About Pil Suh?" he repeated. "Was anyone talking about him?"
"No. But I want to talk about him now," she said smiling.
Shin frowned. "You said this wasn't a business meeting."
She nodded. "It's not."
He folded his arms and sat back into his chair. "So the real reason you called me was to pick my brain about Pil Suh? Is that what this is about?"
"No!" For the second time at dinner, blood rushed to her face. "I'm just curious. He gets out of rehab next week and I'm just curious about him," she spat. The way he was looking at her, like he was trying to pierce through her skin with his eyes made her feel uncomfortable. "You don't have to answer them if you don't want to." She picked up her glass and sipped some wine.
Shin lifted his glass and took a sip of his drink. "So what do you want to know?"
After a moment of silence she asked, "Is he married?"
"No."
"Divorced? Does he have any kids?"
He dropped his glass and looked away. "Not divorced. No kids," he said carelessly. Then he looked back at her, daring her to ask more questions.
Encouraged by the responses she'd received, she said, "Is he seeing anyone or is he single?"
"He's not seeing anyone."
Her heart did a few somersaults. "Really?"
Shin didn't know if he should be pleased or disgusted by how his reply had brightened her entire demeanor. Her face now held an expression that was a combination of both relief and delight. Regardless of what she said, it was now clear that asking him out to dinner really had nothing to do with him. It was all about Pil Suh, Pil Suh, Pil Suh! He'd never liked that name but right now, he wished he could brutally murder and cremate it. Looking at her smiling to herself cleared any confusion he'd had about how her reaction to Pil Suh's single status had affected him. Right then, all he felt was disgust. Most of the disgust was directed at himself because if he hadn't selfishly written those letters to her, they wouldn't be in such a crazy situation.
"So he's single, huh?"
Shin nodded.
She grinned then leaned towards him in a conspiratory fashion. "If he weren't single, what kind of girl would he be dating? What's his type?"
"Obese, ugly, dumb girls with bad breath," he snapped. "Why are you badgering me with all these questions? How do you expect me to know? Am I his personal secretary?"
"Sorry." Ji Won couldn't quite figure out what had triggered such a reaction but one thing she did know was that it was time to drop the subject.
They spent the next few minutes in silence and after eating their dessert, went their separate ways.
Ji Won went home pleased that Pil Suh was single while Shin went home determined to come up with a solution to the problem. From what he could see, there was no way that he, Shin, could ever be with Ji Won. But on the other hand, since that meant that Pil Suh couldn't be with her either, he had to figure out how he could make that happen without hurting her feelings. There was nothing he could do about his heart but hers? He had to come up with a solution before everything went spiraling out of control.
***
Ji Won pulled the comforter over her head and turned to her side to find a more comfortable spot on her bed. Then she tossed in the opposite direction. When she still wasn't comfortable, she turned to her back and looked up at the ceiling. She'd taken a shower and jumped into bed almost twenty minutes earlier but it appeared that sleep was taking its sweet time.
She was embarrassed by how excited she was to learn that Pil Suh was single but also nervous about what that meant. Even though she continuously tried to talk herself out of her feelings for him, she couldn't help herself. As far as she knew, there was still a good chance that the feelings were one-sided but from her side, she really felt that she'd connected with him on an intellectual level. Plus it was quite refreshing to get to know a man without sex, in any of its various forms, interfering.
Even though it had been a while, she'd always enjoyed the euphoria of a new relationship but now, it was time to find out if it was real or imagined. Suddenly empowered, she switched on her lamp, jumped off her bed, ripped out a sheet of paper from her notebook and grabbed a pen.
Pil Suh,
How are you? I hope all is well. How's the writing coming along? It looks like you've slowed down a bit and I think that's great. It's good to take a break every now and then. This might be the last letter you receive from me before you're treatment ends so I think this might be the best time for me to write this to you. As you may or may not know, I was engaged up till about 8 months ago.
She went into details about her relationship with Joon Young and how it ended.
This is even harder to talk about but while I was on the honeymoon, I met your agent, Jo Jin Mo. We spent some time together and I guess you can say that I got to know him a bit. I'm not ashamed of anything I did over there and as time passes, I feel less and less embarrassed about it. I'm not going to make any excuses for my actions but I felt that you ought to know about it since you're close to him.
What is this all about? I don't know. Or maybe I think I know but I'm not sure? I'll just like you to know that I've really enjoyed writing to you these past weeks. Your letters have been a joy to receive and I'm not quite sure what it all means but I was wondering if we could meet in the next week or so? Nothing fancy but just you and I meeting to talk. But not about your book. So it won't be during work hours.
Feel free to respond in any way and understand that I'll respect it regardless. So don't feel pressured to accept my invitation.
I look forward to hearing from you. And as always, stay healthy.
Take care,
Ji Won.
***
The next day, Ji Won was at work talking to a colleague when her phone rang. She excused herself and answered it.
"Kyung Ho ah, what's up?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to confirm something. This Pil Suh guy…"
Ji Won's heart flipped. "Yes?" she asked with trepidation. What had he found?
"You said he's in his 40s?"
"Or late 30s."
"Hmm… and how tall?"
"Like, maybe my height?" Ji Won tried to remember the shoes she'd worn when she met him. "He could be slightly shorter."
"So did this guy lie on his driver's license?" he mused. "It says he's taller. And maybe it's an old photo because he looks quite trim. And he isn't in his late 30s – he's 32."
Ji Won almost choked on air. "Are you kidding me?"
"I'm dead serious. Unless it's the wrong Yoon Pil Suh but I think I have the right one. Where did you say you met him?"
"At a restaurant. He came to see me with his agent."
"Who's his agent?"
"Jo Jin Mo." Ji Won tried to remember what his face looked like. "I guess it's possible that he's thirty-two. Maybe he's just one of those guys who looks older than their age."
"Yeah," Kyung Ho replied, unconvinced. "Well, so far, he doesn't have a criminal record but then again, no record of a drug problem. But those are usually confidential unless the treatment is court-ordered. Anyway, I'll keep digging."
"Or maybe you can stop digging and give your friend some support?" She told him about the letter she'd written and how she was going to ask Shin to give it to him the next time they met. "So do I have your support?"
"We'll see," he said after a long pause.
Chapter 14
What I remember most about the drive to Seoul was that I watched the day break.
It was almost a year after my grandmother's death and my caretakers and her best friends, Uncle Bong Chol and Aunt Oo Ra, could no longer take care of me. They explained that they needed to move to nearby Ulsan to stay with their son because Aunt Oo Ra's health was increasingly failing and that they needed superior healthcare to what was available in our village.
The news of her illness hadn't come as a surprise to me ["to me" isn't necessary] because in the few months prior to the announcement, she'd been bedridden for most hours of the day, with her only getting up in the mornings and evenings to help with the cooking and I could tell that even that was taking a toll on her. [expand on her ailment here. If you now know what she suffered from, you can mention it]. Back then, I unofficially took on the role as assistant chef and because Uncle was the only one working, food was less abundant. So I normally rationed my meals and when I could, would try to find other sources of food. I'm quite surprised I never fell sick from sampling every single wild berry native to my village!
Over the course of the year, we'd grown pretty close and formed a kind a family unit so when I'd been informed of their departure, I'd been devastated. [rephrase this sentence]
Aunt Oo Ra cried when she explained that she couldn't take me with her because her son's place wasn't big enough and that she and her husband would probably be spending most of their time at the hospital and that they didn't want to leave me with their divorced son. [Break things up a bit here. It's nice but you need to show more. Let's have some dialogue. A flashback would probably do the trick].
But when the stranger driving me to Seoul arrived many hours too late, she'd broken into loud sobs, sad that she'd never see me again and scared that she was allowing me to follow a stranger into the dark night.
Uncle Bong Chol, always strong and wise, tried to keep his cool for both of us, but when I climbed onto the dirty fruit truck, I noticed his lips quiver and a tear fall from his right eye.
The image of my uncle holding onto his shaking wife as the tall, thin man turned the engine on, remains with me up till today.
[The transition feels a bit abrupt. Maybe you can add a line before this? Maybe expand a little more about why that image stays with you.]As frightened and unsure as they were letting me go, I was ten times more afraid of where I was going. They'd explained that I was going to stay with my mother but who was she? The only mother I'd ever known had died and it really didn't matter that I was going to be with my 'real' mother because she was who she'd been my entire life; a stranger.
Shin looked up from the manuscript in his hand. It had been a while since he'd felt as unsure as he did the day he arrived in Seoul. He'd been lost, confused and angry at the world for being so unfair and taking away every person he'd ever loved. But right there, sitting at his computer, he felt like he'd been transported to that day except instead of being angry at the world, he was angry at himself.
Was it love? He didn't know. He'd been in love before and had vowed never to do something so silly ever again but yet, this felt different. What was it? What he did know was that somehow, in some weird way, he'd pulled Na Ji Won further and further inside his head. Or was it his heart? Other than what had occurred in Aruba, she'd never made a move towards him, never tried to get her proverbial claws into him, so he knew that what he was feeling was entirely of his own doing. He'd never been the kind of guy to want what he couldn't have but he wondered if that was what was coming into play now.
He shook his head and flung the manuscript on the desk.
No. That wasn't it. He didn't merely see her as a challenge.
He knew that it wasn't simply attraction because even though she was beautiful, she wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. And while she had a nice personality, it wasn't like she was the most engaging and exciting person he'd ever met. Yet, somehow, he couldn't get her out of his mind. Why?
He was still pondering this when his phone rang. He picked it up and when he saw who was calling, dropped it back down.
A second later, when he realized what he'd just done, how childishly he'd acted, he slapped his forehead and picked it up again. "Hello?"
"Hey, Jin Mo ssi. It's Ji Won. How are you?"
From the added sounds come from the receiver, he could tell that she was driving. "I'm fine. I don't have a new chapter yet. I'll have one tomorrow."
"Oh, that's cool. So you haven't seen Pil Suh yet?"
He grunted. "No. I'll see him tomorrow."
"Oh, that's good. We can meet tomorrow but I also have something I'll like to give to him. I'm on my way to your office. Are you still there?"
"My office?" he said, jumping off his chair. "N-no, I'm not there."
"Okay, not a problem. I'll leave it with the receptionist and you can pick it up tomorrow."
"NO!" he yelled.
Leaving a package for Jo Jin Mo at his agency wasn't a problem, after all, a man called Jo Jin Mo really did work there. The first problem was that there was a chance she might run into him. However, that problem could be easily solved with one quick call from Shin instructing Jin Mo to stay in his office and asking him to instruct the receptionist to take the package on his behalf.
The real problem was that the agency's walls were covered with numerous photos of its employees with various famous authors and entertainers. Since Shin treasured his privacy, none of his photos were up, however, Jin Mo's were everywhere. Again, if Ji Won walked in and saw his photos everywhere, she probably wouldn't think much of it since she knew that Pil Suh was a client, however, reading the captions and seeing that the man in the photos was Jin Mo and not Pil Suh would be a huge problem.
Shin paced his bedroom and rubbed his temples as a headache threatened to form. If she were ever to find out, he had to be the one to tell her. He couldn't let her discover the truth about his identity on her own. He didn't even know what he'd do if that were to happen. "You can't go there."
"Why not?"
"Ehm…." He racked his brain for something that didn't sound too ridiculous. "We had a half day so there's no one there."
"Oh," she said, not bothering to hide her disappointment. "Why do you have a half day anyway? What's today?"
"Don't worry about it. It's nothing important. Why don't I come over and pick it up? I was planning to come your way, anyway."
***
Ji Won looked out of the window. "Where are we?"
"You know I love you, right?" Kyung Ho said as he pulled over and parked his car.
She turned to him. "You made me leave work early and brought me here just to say that?"
"Of course not." After researching Jin Mo on a hunch and seeing that he fit Pil Suh's description, he'd uncovered the truth. And when he'd gone over to pick Ji Won up and met the so-called Jin Mo in person, he was now certain that they'd been playing a very sick game with his friend's heart. It had taken a lot for him not to punch him there and then but he'd decided that he really didn't want to risk a lawsuit. Especially if he'd have to explain why he'd been using office resources for personal reasons.
"So why are we here?"
He glanced at his watch. "You'll see in a moment."
All it took to figure out when Jin Mo would be returning home was a simple call to the receptionist asking how late he normally stayed at the office. After doing the math, by his count, providing Jin Mo didn't stop over to run some errands, he should be arriving in about ten minutes.
About twenty-five minutes later, Kyung Ho sat up when he saw a car fitting the description of the one he was expecting pull into Jin Mo's driveway.
"Hey," he said, tapping Ji Won's shoulder. "He's here."
Ji Won put down the book she was reading. "Why do I feel like I'm on an episode of Law and Order?" Even though her friend was being very cryptic, she wasn't too bothered. She couldn't see how whatever it was wasn't related to his girlfriend and knew that he was probably just overreacting to something. Her eyes followed the direction of Kyung Ho's finger and fell onto a somewhat familiar figure.
Since she'd only met Pil Suh once, she had a very specific image of him in her mind but when she saw that it was indeed him underneath that dark coat holding onto a little girl, her heart stopped. "W-what's going on? Is Pil Suh out?"
Kyung Ho reached behind and picked up a folder off the backseat and handed it to her. "That's not Pil Suh."
"T-t-then who is it?" She took the folder from him, her hands fighting to hold it steady and opened it. The first sheet of paper was a blown up copy of driver's license with Pil Suh's face staring back at her. However, the name read: Jo Jin Mo.
She glanced up at Kyung Ho and saw the upset look on his face.
Her chest began to heave and her breathing became audible. What was going on? If he wasn't Pil Suh…. "Then, who's Pil Suh?" she asked shakily. And just as the words escaped her lips, she flipped the first sheet over and saw Shin's face staring back at her.
***
"Are you going to be okay?" Kyung Ho asked as she stepped out of his car.
She nodded but didn't say a thing. At first, she'd been angry at him. What kind of friend was he? Why didn't he just give her the photocopies of their driver's licenses instead of taking her there?
Seeing how angry she was, he had given a flimsy excuse about wanting to confirm his suspicions before saying anything but she knew it was bulls.hit. Lee Kyung Ho had taken her there for one simple reason; to be dramatic. And dramatic, it surely was. Seeing a man that she'd been fantasizing about walk into his house with a child that was obviously his, was dramatic. Dramatic and heart shattering.
Cold air blasted against her face as she walked over to her car but she barely felt it. All she could do was recount the last few weeks from meeting those two bastards at the restaurant till that very moment. Had she been some kind of bet? Some game pathetic, juvenile men played for kicks?
Her feet stopped moving as the implication set in– she wasn't meant to love. Was this what Karma felt like? Punishment for the hearts she might have broken when she was younger? Because nothing else made sense. The first man she'd truly and completely fallen for, the man she'd planned to spend the rest of her days with hadn't even bothered to show up for the wedding. And then the minute she began to toy with the idea of finding love again, just as she was preparing to put her heart out there again, the man she'd dreamed about had turned out to be a fraud.
Love was not meant for her. She was not meant to love. It was just not in the cards for her. And she was an idiot for ever thinking otherwise.
"Agashi, are you lost?" a male voice asked from behind her.
"No, I'm fine. Thanks," she said without looking back. She hadn't even realized that she'd been shaking before the man woke her from her daze. Even though she tried to briskly walk to her car, her body refused to comply. Apparently, the pain from her heart had begun to spread throughout her body. It was hard coming to terms with the fact that their relationship, her feelings, his feelings never really existed. But what hurt most was that those 'men' made a complete fool of her. They'd lifted her up just to make the fall that much greater. If they'd thrown rotten eggs at her face, it would have been far less humiliating.
***
Ji Won followed the hostess to their table. "Can I get a Long Island Iced Tea without the Iced Tea? Just don't add whatever it is that makes it taste like iced tea."
The lady nodded. "It'll be here shortly," she said before turning to leave.
Shin stood up to greet her. "Hey. You're twenty-five minutes late. I thought you were never late."
"Stranger things have happened," she said in a monotone. She sat across from him at the side of the table facing the exit.
Ji Won looked at him, sitting and smiling like he wasn't a conniving bastard. After stewing over it all the previous night, she'd reached a conclusion: she hated him. She still couldn't get over how she hadn't seen through his ruse. All the times he smiled at her, she'd thought that he was simply doing it to be friendly but now she could see that he'd been simply taking pleasure in making a fool out of her. She didn't know if she was being a naive, but for some reason, she wasn't really upset with the real Jin Mo because after careful analysis, all fingers pointed to Shin. He was the one she'd wronged. He was the one who'd claimed to be Jin Mo right from the start. The other guy was just caught in the crossfire. She knew that he just had to be the mastermind. The real monster. An as.shole with toned pecs hiding a black heart.
She reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope. "Here are the latest edits," she said, handing it to him.
He took it from her at the moment a waiter dropped off her drink. After thanking him, she took a sip of it, and sat up as the hard liquor mix burned down her throat.
"Here's the new chapter." He gave it to her then lifted the envelope she'd just given him. "And thanks for this."
"You're welcome," she said, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the table. "But why don't you read it now?"
Shin's body stiffened. What was up with her tone? He slowly looked up at her. "Excuse me?"
A slight smile crept onto her face. "Why don't you read it now? Isn't that what you're going to do when you get home? Before you scribble a reply on your next chapter, Mr. Yoon Pil Suh? Oh, I guess I should call you Pil Suh like you suggested."
For a few seconds, Shin felt like time stood still. He looked into her eyes and saw a hard, foreign bitterness inside of them. She barely looked like herself.
"Ji Won—" He wanted to explain everything to her but he didn't even know what to say. Even with all the time that had passed, he hadn't expected her to uncover the truth so soon. After reading her last letter, he'd felt sick, disgusted about how honest and pure her feelings for Pil Suh seemed to be, annoyed that he'd put them in such a tight corner but for all his alleged creativity, he still couldn't come up with a viable solution. He looked into her darkened eyes. It was now too late.
She gulped down half of her drink, ignoring the pain caused by drinking it so quickly. She put the glass down and looked up at him. Then she shook her head and hissed. Why the hell did he look so surprised? "How long were you going to keep this up? Till we finished the book?"
He shook his head. "No," he said plainly.
"Till I proposed marriage?"
"No."
"You wanted to play with my feelings like I'd unknowingly played with yours? I get it. But, come on. What kind of man gets upset about a fu.cking one night stand?" She looked up in an attempt to keep the threatening tears at bay. There was no way she was going to cry in front of him. She didn't think she was going to get so emotional at the confrontation but she couldn't help thinking of all the time she'd spent with him in every capacity. And how it had all been a prank. All just for revenge.
"That's not it," he said softly, reaching out to take her hand.
"Don't touch me." She took her hands off the table and placed them on her lap. "I'm not mad, you know. I get it. I hurt you, so you're hurting me back. I did wrong, so I'm facing the consequences. For every action, there's a reaction. What goes up must come down. Tit for tat. Do unto others as you want them to do onto you. Look before…"
Shin knitted his brows together in worry as he listened to her rattle off every single proverb that applied. If she'd completely lost it, he had no one but himself to blame.
"But it's just a shame that everyone else gets away with doing dirt but not me. I just have to pay for my sins. Lucky me."
"You're wrong. I wasn't trying to make you pay for anything."
She scoffed. "No? Then what was it? What exactly were you trying to accomplish with this charade? If you weren't trying to make me look like an idiot, what were you trying to do?" she asked, her voice getting louder with every word. Her plan to stay cool really wasn't working. She wanted to hide her emotions so that he wouldn't see that he'd gotten to her but now that she was in the moment, she couldn't help it. She no longer cared if he saw her upset. "What were you trying to achieve?"
Shin parted his lips to speak but no words came out. Yes, at first, he'd tried to hurt her but that had barely lasted a day. But sitting across from her, watching her anger rise, he knew exactly why he'd let it go on for so long – he hadn't wanted to face the possibility of never seeing her again. But how could he tell her that now?
"You can't say anything, huh?" she sneered. "Why are you so silent?" She looked away because she could no longer stand the sight of his face. Why didn't he have anything to say? Any explanation for why he'd treated her like dirt? Or at least a victory dance? Why wasn't he gloating? Instead, his face was as blank as brand new chalkboard.
Annoyed, she gulped down the rest of her drink and picked up her bag. "I must say that you're one heck of an actor, though. To act like one person when we met then be a different person afterwards is truly award-worthy. But then again, as Kyung Ho said, you're a writer. A writer observes and learns about people. That's how they are able to create the most fascinating characters. You observed me and knew exactly what to write to get to me. I hope you feel satisfied that all that work paid off."
As she stood up, Shin did the same. She slung her bag across her shoulder. "I guess this is the end of our working relationship Mr. Yoon Pil Suh Shin or whatever the fu.ck you call yourself." When she raised her head to send him one last hateful look, she saw a couple walking towards them from behind him. "Shi.t," she said before plunking back on the chair.
***
Confused, Shin followed her eyes, turned his head around and saw a man and a barely dressed woman walking towards them.
He turned back and from the look of dread that had already overtaken Ji Won's face, he immediately put two and two together. Without thinking, he got off his chair and sat next to her.
With a question in her eyes, she turned to him but all she got was a smile back.
Averting her gaze, she looked ahead and watched Joon Young and a big breasted woman in a tube top and tight pants walking towards them. When he'd first mentioned that he was seeing someone new, even though she refused to admit it, she'd been jealous. But now….
She hissed and shook her head at the ridiculousness of the situation. So that was why he'd left their relationship? Apparently, it had nothing to do with her because he obviously wanted to be with someone whose brains were lodged entirely in her breasts. In a million years, she'd never have guessed that he was so shallow. Yes, there were specific aesthetic things he'd wanted her to do like curl her hair and make her lips look fuller but she'd never expected him to date someone that looked like an aspiring porn star. Watching him walk hand-in-hand with the human replica of a blow up doll made her realize one thing; she was completely and totally over him.
"Ji Won ah," Joon Young said once he was at their table. "What are you doing here?"
She rolled her eyes. "What does it look like?"
Shin's head spun around to her. With all that had happened between them, he'd never heard her sound so cold.
"And who might this be?" Joon Young asked, sizing Shin up. And from the look on his face, it was quite clear he didn't like what he saw.
Shin took this as his cue to speak up. He slung his arm across Ji Won's chair, ignoring her reaction, and said, "You must be the idiot that let her get away."
Joon Young blinked rapidly a few times. "Excuse me?"
"You're her stupid ex, aren't you? The irrelevant as.s?"
Joon Young disentangled himself from his girlfriend then pointed at Shin. "Won-Won, why is he talking to me like that?"
"'Won-Won'? I thought I told you never to call me that?"
Ignoring her comment, he said, "Who is he?" His eyes darted furiously from her to Shin. "Are you dating someone?" he asked with absolute incredulity. Like it was the last thing in the world he'd expected. And it was. Because, he sincerely felt that she'd never love anyone like she'd loved him. That he was the love of her life. And even though he'd made a mistake, she'd eventually forgive him then they'd get married and live happily just as they'd always planned. She wasn't supposed to be seeing some other guy. Especially one that didn't look like a loser. He pointed at Shin. "Who's that?"
Ji Won hid a smile. She'd never seen Joon Young so jealous and she was enjoying it a bit too much. She no longer wanted him but she definitely liked to see him squirm. "How is it your business? Do you see me asking you about her?"
"That's different," he said dismissively. "You still have my ring!"
"Oppa…," the girl started to say but he ignored her.
"Who's this guy?" he repeated.
Shin moved his chair closer to Ji Won's and sat so that their shoulders were almost touching then wrapped his arm around her. She turned her head and looked at him but didn't say anything. He turned to smile at Joon Young. "Don't worry about it. Just know that I'll keep her happy."
When he saw that Joon Young had begun to fume and his face had taken on the color of a cherry, he chuckled. "Yes, I'm going to make her happy. Aren't you happy, Sweetie?"
Ji Won, who'd also begun to laugh, nodded. She turned to Shin. "Yes, very happy, Babe."
Shin, still laughing, looked back at her and their eyes met. They were giggling at each other when Shin realized that something about being so close to her, and hearing her laughter so close to his ear had begun to make his heart lift. There were in the final act. Any moment, Joon Young would storm out and the play would be over. They'd get back to reality and never again would they be so close.
He looked into her brown eyes, devoid of any make up, yet looking the loveliest he'd ever seen, then moved his face close to hers and before she could react, kissed her full on the lips.
***
Ji Won was still fuming as she watched Joon Young storm out of the restaurant. They both has something in common because the kiss has been more than either of them could take.
It had been quick with him kissing her and her body freezing from shock. He let his lips linger on hers for a bit but when he realized that she wasn't responding, he'd taken them off. But they had stayed long enough for her to feel his breath against her face, feel his skin against hers and to feel the force of his lips. And she was livid! How dare he? How could he possibly think that just because she was playing along with him, he had the right to kiss her like that?
She held her breath to keep from exploding but the second Joon Young walked out, she exhaled and pushed Shin's chair away from her. Even though he slipped, he didn't fall off it. He'd expected it so he'd tried his best to retain his balance.
She grabbed her bag and stood up, pushing the table in the process and scraping its leg against the floor thus attracting attention from some of the people around them. She glanced at them then turned her full attention to Shin. "How dare you?"
Shin wanted to say that he was sorry but he couldn't. Even though she hadn't kissed him back, even though her body had turned cold, her lips had still been very warm. And he'd liked the way they'd felt. So no, he wasn't sorry.
"Why are you just staring at me like a fool? Say something, you as.shole!"
Angered by his lack of response and remorse, she wanted to do something to hurt him. She wanted to slap him but after what had just happened, really didn't want her skin to touch his again. So she looked around and reached for her glass but saw that it was empty. Then she moved her hands a few inches, grabbed his martini glass and threw its contents at his face. "Fu.ck you," she said, walking by him and towards the exit. She almost looked back to see his reaction but didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Besides, it had felt pretty good to throw the drink at him. It was her first time of doing it and if it always felt this great, she planned to do it more often.
It was almost a year after my grandmother's death and my caretakers and her best friends, Uncle Bong Chol and Aunt Oo Ra, could no longer take care of me. They explained that they needed to move to nearby Ulsan to stay with their son because Aunt Oo Ra's health was increasingly failing and that they needed superior healthcare to what was available in our village.
The news of her illness hadn't come as a surprise to me ["to me" isn't necessary] because in the few months prior to the announcement, she'd been bedridden for most hours of the day, with her only getting up in the mornings and evenings to help with the cooking and I could tell that even that was taking a toll on her. [expand on her ailment here. If you now know what she suffered from, you can mention it]. Back then, I unofficially took on the role as assistant chef and because Uncle was the only one working, food was less abundant. So I normally rationed my meals and when I could, would try to find other sources of food. I'm quite surprised I never fell sick from sampling every single wild berry native to my village!
Over the course of the year, we'd grown pretty close and formed a kind a family unit so when I'd been informed of their departure, I'd been devastated. [rephrase this sentence]
Aunt Oo Ra cried when she explained that she couldn't take me with her because her son's place wasn't big enough and that she and her husband would probably be spending most of their time at the hospital and that they didn't want to leave me with their divorced son. [Break things up a bit here. It's nice but you need to show more. Let's have some dialogue. A flashback would probably do the trick].
But when the stranger driving me to Seoul arrived many hours too late, she'd broken into loud sobs, sad that she'd never see me again and scared that she was allowing me to follow a stranger into the dark night.
Uncle Bong Chol, always strong and wise, tried to keep his cool for both of us, but when I climbed onto the dirty fruit truck, I noticed his lips quiver and a tear fall from his right eye.
The image of my uncle holding onto his shaking wife as the tall, thin man turned the engine on, remains with me up till today.
[The transition feels a bit abrupt. Maybe you can add a line before this? Maybe expand a little more about why that image stays with you.]As frightened and unsure as they were letting me go, I was ten times more afraid of where I was going. They'd explained that I was going to stay with my mother but who was she? The only mother I'd ever known had died and it really didn't matter that I was going to be with my 'real' mother because she was who she'd been my entire life; a stranger.
Shin looked up from the manuscript in his hand. It had been a while since he'd felt as unsure as he did the day he arrived in Seoul. He'd been lost, confused and angry at the world for being so unfair and taking away every person he'd ever loved. But right there, sitting at his computer, he felt like he'd been transported to that day except instead of being angry at the world, he was angry at himself.
Was it love? He didn't know. He'd been in love before and had vowed never to do something so silly ever again but yet, this felt different. What was it? What he did know was that somehow, in some weird way, he'd pulled Na Ji Won further and further inside his head. Or was it his heart? Other than what had occurred in Aruba, she'd never made a move towards him, never tried to get her proverbial claws into him, so he knew that what he was feeling was entirely of his own doing. He'd never been the kind of guy to want what he couldn't have but he wondered if that was what was coming into play now.
He shook his head and flung the manuscript on the desk.
No. That wasn't it. He didn't merely see her as a challenge.
He knew that it wasn't simply attraction because even though she was beautiful, she wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. And while she had a nice personality, it wasn't like she was the most engaging and exciting person he'd ever met. Yet, somehow, he couldn't get her out of his mind. Why?
He was still pondering this when his phone rang. He picked it up and when he saw who was calling, dropped it back down.
A second later, when he realized what he'd just done, how childishly he'd acted, he slapped his forehead and picked it up again. "Hello?"
"Hey, Jin Mo ssi. It's Ji Won. How are you?"
From the added sounds come from the receiver, he could tell that she was driving. "I'm fine. I don't have a new chapter yet. I'll have one tomorrow."
"Oh, that's cool. So you haven't seen Pil Suh yet?"
He grunted. "No. I'll see him tomorrow."
"Oh, that's good. We can meet tomorrow but I also have something I'll like to give to him. I'm on my way to your office. Are you still there?"
"My office?" he said, jumping off his chair. "N-no, I'm not there."
"Okay, not a problem. I'll leave it with the receptionist and you can pick it up tomorrow."
"NO!" he yelled.
Leaving a package for Jo Jin Mo at his agency wasn't a problem, after all, a man called Jo Jin Mo really did work there. The first problem was that there was a chance she might run into him. However, that problem could be easily solved with one quick call from Shin instructing Jin Mo to stay in his office and asking him to instruct the receptionist to take the package on his behalf.
The real problem was that the agency's walls were covered with numerous photos of its employees with various famous authors and entertainers. Since Shin treasured his privacy, none of his photos were up, however, Jin Mo's were everywhere. Again, if Ji Won walked in and saw his photos everywhere, she probably wouldn't think much of it since she knew that Pil Suh was a client, however, reading the captions and seeing that the man in the photos was Jin Mo and not Pil Suh would be a huge problem.
Shin paced his bedroom and rubbed his temples as a headache threatened to form. If she were ever to find out, he had to be the one to tell her. He couldn't let her discover the truth about his identity on her own. He didn't even know what he'd do if that were to happen. "You can't go there."
"Why not?"
"Ehm…." He racked his brain for something that didn't sound too ridiculous. "We had a half day so there's no one there."
"Oh," she said, not bothering to hide her disappointment. "Why do you have a half day anyway? What's today?"
"Don't worry about it. It's nothing important. Why don't I come over and pick it up? I was planning to come your way, anyway."
***
Ji Won looked out of the window. "Where are we?"
"You know I love you, right?" Kyung Ho said as he pulled over and parked his car.
She turned to him. "You made me leave work early and brought me here just to say that?"
"Of course not." After researching Jin Mo on a hunch and seeing that he fit Pil Suh's description, he'd uncovered the truth. And when he'd gone over to pick Ji Won up and met the so-called Jin Mo in person, he was now certain that they'd been playing a very sick game with his friend's heart. It had taken a lot for him not to punch him there and then but he'd decided that he really didn't want to risk a lawsuit. Especially if he'd have to explain why he'd been using office resources for personal reasons.
"So why are we here?"
He glanced at his watch. "You'll see in a moment."
All it took to figure out when Jin Mo would be returning home was a simple call to the receptionist asking how late he normally stayed at the office. After doing the math, by his count, providing Jin Mo didn't stop over to run some errands, he should be arriving in about ten minutes.
About twenty-five minutes later, Kyung Ho sat up when he saw a car fitting the description of the one he was expecting pull into Jin Mo's driveway.
"Hey," he said, tapping Ji Won's shoulder. "He's here."
Ji Won put down the book she was reading. "Why do I feel like I'm on an episode of Law and Order?" Even though her friend was being very cryptic, she wasn't too bothered. She couldn't see how whatever it was wasn't related to his girlfriend and knew that he was probably just overreacting to something. Her eyes followed the direction of Kyung Ho's finger and fell onto a somewhat familiar figure.
Since she'd only met Pil Suh once, she had a very specific image of him in her mind but when she saw that it was indeed him underneath that dark coat holding onto a little girl, her heart stopped. "W-what's going on? Is Pil Suh out?"
Kyung Ho reached behind and picked up a folder off the backseat and handed it to her. "That's not Pil Suh."
"T-t-then who is it?" She took the folder from him, her hands fighting to hold it steady and opened it. The first sheet of paper was a blown up copy of driver's license with Pil Suh's face staring back at her. However, the name read: Jo Jin Mo.
She glanced up at Kyung Ho and saw the upset look on his face.
Her chest began to heave and her breathing became audible. What was going on? If he wasn't Pil Suh…. "Then, who's Pil Suh?" she asked shakily. And just as the words escaped her lips, she flipped the first sheet over and saw Shin's face staring back at her.
***
"Are you going to be okay?" Kyung Ho asked as she stepped out of his car.
She nodded but didn't say a thing. At first, she'd been angry at him. What kind of friend was he? Why didn't he just give her the photocopies of their driver's licenses instead of taking her there?
Seeing how angry she was, he had given a flimsy excuse about wanting to confirm his suspicions before saying anything but she knew it was bulls.hit. Lee Kyung Ho had taken her there for one simple reason; to be dramatic. And dramatic, it surely was. Seeing a man that she'd been fantasizing about walk into his house with a child that was obviously his, was dramatic. Dramatic and heart shattering.
Cold air blasted against her face as she walked over to her car but she barely felt it. All she could do was recount the last few weeks from meeting those two bastards at the restaurant till that very moment. Had she been some kind of bet? Some game pathetic, juvenile men played for kicks?
Her feet stopped moving as the implication set in– she wasn't meant to love. Was this what Karma felt like? Punishment for the hearts she might have broken when she was younger? Because nothing else made sense. The first man she'd truly and completely fallen for, the man she'd planned to spend the rest of her days with hadn't even bothered to show up for the wedding. And then the minute she began to toy with the idea of finding love again, just as she was preparing to put her heart out there again, the man she'd dreamed about had turned out to be a fraud.
Love was not meant for her. She was not meant to love. It was just not in the cards for her. And she was an idiot for ever thinking otherwise.
"Agashi, are you lost?" a male voice asked from behind her.
"No, I'm fine. Thanks," she said without looking back. She hadn't even realized that she'd been shaking before the man woke her from her daze. Even though she tried to briskly walk to her car, her body refused to comply. Apparently, the pain from her heart had begun to spread throughout her body. It was hard coming to terms with the fact that their relationship, her feelings, his feelings never really existed. But what hurt most was that those 'men' made a complete fool of her. They'd lifted her up just to make the fall that much greater. If they'd thrown rotten eggs at her face, it would have been far less humiliating.
***
Ji Won followed the hostess to their table. "Can I get a Long Island Iced Tea without the Iced Tea? Just don't add whatever it is that makes it taste like iced tea."
The lady nodded. "It'll be here shortly," she said before turning to leave.
Shin stood up to greet her. "Hey. You're twenty-five minutes late. I thought you were never late."
"Stranger things have happened," she said in a monotone. She sat across from him at the side of the table facing the exit.
Ji Won looked at him, sitting and smiling like he wasn't a conniving bastard. After stewing over it all the previous night, she'd reached a conclusion: she hated him. She still couldn't get over how she hadn't seen through his ruse. All the times he smiled at her, she'd thought that he was simply doing it to be friendly but now she could see that he'd been simply taking pleasure in making a fool out of her. She didn't know if she was being a naive, but for some reason, she wasn't really upset with the real Jin Mo because after careful analysis, all fingers pointed to Shin. He was the one she'd wronged. He was the one who'd claimed to be Jin Mo right from the start. The other guy was just caught in the crossfire. She knew that he just had to be the mastermind. The real monster. An as.shole with toned pecs hiding a black heart.
She reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope. "Here are the latest edits," she said, handing it to him.
He took it from her at the moment a waiter dropped off her drink. After thanking him, she took a sip of it, and sat up as the hard liquor mix burned down her throat.
"Here's the new chapter." He gave it to her then lifted the envelope she'd just given him. "And thanks for this."
"You're welcome," she said, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the table. "But why don't you read it now?"
Shin's body stiffened. What was up with her tone? He slowly looked up at her. "Excuse me?"
A slight smile crept onto her face. "Why don't you read it now? Isn't that what you're going to do when you get home? Before you scribble a reply on your next chapter, Mr. Yoon Pil Suh? Oh, I guess I should call you Pil Suh like you suggested."
For a few seconds, Shin felt like time stood still. He looked into her eyes and saw a hard, foreign bitterness inside of them. She barely looked like herself.
"Ji Won—" He wanted to explain everything to her but he didn't even know what to say. Even with all the time that had passed, he hadn't expected her to uncover the truth so soon. After reading her last letter, he'd felt sick, disgusted about how honest and pure her feelings for Pil Suh seemed to be, annoyed that he'd put them in such a tight corner but for all his alleged creativity, he still couldn't come up with a viable solution. He looked into her darkened eyes. It was now too late.
She gulped down half of her drink, ignoring the pain caused by drinking it so quickly. She put the glass down and looked up at him. Then she shook her head and hissed. Why the hell did he look so surprised? "How long were you going to keep this up? Till we finished the book?"
He shook his head. "No," he said plainly.
"Till I proposed marriage?"
"No."
"You wanted to play with my feelings like I'd unknowingly played with yours? I get it. But, come on. What kind of man gets upset about a fu.cking one night stand?" She looked up in an attempt to keep the threatening tears at bay. There was no way she was going to cry in front of him. She didn't think she was going to get so emotional at the confrontation but she couldn't help thinking of all the time she'd spent with him in every capacity. And how it had all been a prank. All just for revenge.
"That's not it," he said softly, reaching out to take her hand.
"Don't touch me." She took her hands off the table and placed them on her lap. "I'm not mad, you know. I get it. I hurt you, so you're hurting me back. I did wrong, so I'm facing the consequences. For every action, there's a reaction. What goes up must come down. Tit for tat. Do unto others as you want them to do onto you. Look before…"
Shin knitted his brows together in worry as he listened to her rattle off every single proverb that applied. If she'd completely lost it, he had no one but himself to blame.
"But it's just a shame that everyone else gets away with doing dirt but not me. I just have to pay for my sins. Lucky me."
"You're wrong. I wasn't trying to make you pay for anything."
She scoffed. "No? Then what was it? What exactly were you trying to accomplish with this charade? If you weren't trying to make me look like an idiot, what were you trying to do?" she asked, her voice getting louder with every word. Her plan to stay cool really wasn't working. She wanted to hide her emotions so that he wouldn't see that he'd gotten to her but now that she was in the moment, she couldn't help it. She no longer cared if he saw her upset. "What were you trying to achieve?"
Shin parted his lips to speak but no words came out. Yes, at first, he'd tried to hurt her but that had barely lasted a day. But sitting across from her, watching her anger rise, he knew exactly why he'd let it go on for so long – he hadn't wanted to face the possibility of never seeing her again. But how could he tell her that now?
"You can't say anything, huh?" she sneered. "Why are you so silent?" She looked away because she could no longer stand the sight of his face. Why didn't he have anything to say? Any explanation for why he'd treated her like dirt? Or at least a victory dance? Why wasn't he gloating? Instead, his face was as blank as brand new chalkboard.
Annoyed, she gulped down the rest of her drink and picked up her bag. "I must say that you're one heck of an actor, though. To act like one person when we met then be a different person afterwards is truly award-worthy. But then again, as Kyung Ho said, you're a writer. A writer observes and learns about people. That's how they are able to create the most fascinating characters. You observed me and knew exactly what to write to get to me. I hope you feel satisfied that all that work paid off."
As she stood up, Shin did the same. She slung her bag across her shoulder. "I guess this is the end of our working relationship Mr. Yoon Pil Suh Shin or whatever the fu.ck you call yourself." When she raised her head to send him one last hateful look, she saw a couple walking towards them from behind him. "Shi.t," she said before plunking back on the chair.
***
Confused, Shin followed her eyes, turned his head around and saw a man and a barely dressed woman walking towards them.
He turned back and from the look of dread that had already overtaken Ji Won's face, he immediately put two and two together. Without thinking, he got off his chair and sat next to her.
With a question in her eyes, she turned to him but all she got was a smile back.
Averting her gaze, she looked ahead and watched Joon Young and a big breasted woman in a tube top and tight pants walking towards them. When he'd first mentioned that he was seeing someone new, even though she refused to admit it, she'd been jealous. But now….
She hissed and shook her head at the ridiculousness of the situation. So that was why he'd left their relationship? Apparently, it had nothing to do with her because he obviously wanted to be with someone whose brains were lodged entirely in her breasts. In a million years, she'd never have guessed that he was so shallow. Yes, there were specific aesthetic things he'd wanted her to do like curl her hair and make her lips look fuller but she'd never expected him to date someone that looked like an aspiring porn star. Watching him walk hand-in-hand with the human replica of a blow up doll made her realize one thing; she was completely and totally over him.
"Ji Won ah," Joon Young said once he was at their table. "What are you doing here?"
She rolled her eyes. "What does it look like?"
Shin's head spun around to her. With all that had happened between them, he'd never heard her sound so cold.
"And who might this be?" Joon Young asked, sizing Shin up. And from the look on his face, it was quite clear he didn't like what he saw.
Shin took this as his cue to speak up. He slung his arm across Ji Won's chair, ignoring her reaction, and said, "You must be the idiot that let her get away."
Joon Young blinked rapidly a few times. "Excuse me?"
"You're her stupid ex, aren't you? The irrelevant as.s?"
Joon Young disentangled himself from his girlfriend then pointed at Shin. "Won-Won, why is he talking to me like that?"
"'Won-Won'? I thought I told you never to call me that?"
Ignoring her comment, he said, "Who is he?" His eyes darted furiously from her to Shin. "Are you dating someone?" he asked with absolute incredulity. Like it was the last thing in the world he'd expected. And it was. Because, he sincerely felt that she'd never love anyone like she'd loved him. That he was the love of her life. And even though he'd made a mistake, she'd eventually forgive him then they'd get married and live happily just as they'd always planned. She wasn't supposed to be seeing some other guy. Especially one that didn't look like a loser. He pointed at Shin. "Who's that?"
Ji Won hid a smile. She'd never seen Joon Young so jealous and she was enjoying it a bit too much. She no longer wanted him but she definitely liked to see him squirm. "How is it your business? Do you see me asking you about her?"
"That's different," he said dismissively. "You still have my ring!"
"Oppa…," the girl started to say but he ignored her.
"Who's this guy?" he repeated.
Shin moved his chair closer to Ji Won's and sat so that their shoulders were almost touching then wrapped his arm around her. She turned her head and looked at him but didn't say anything. He turned to smile at Joon Young. "Don't worry about it. Just know that I'll keep her happy."
When he saw that Joon Young had begun to fume and his face had taken on the color of a cherry, he chuckled. "Yes, I'm going to make her happy. Aren't you happy, Sweetie?"
Ji Won, who'd also begun to laugh, nodded. She turned to Shin. "Yes, very happy, Babe."
Shin, still laughing, looked back at her and their eyes met. They were giggling at each other when Shin realized that something about being so close to her, and hearing her laughter so close to his ear had begun to make his heart lift. There were in the final act. Any moment, Joon Young would storm out and the play would be over. They'd get back to reality and never again would they be so close.
He looked into her brown eyes, devoid of any make up, yet looking the loveliest he'd ever seen, then moved his face close to hers and before she could react, kissed her full on the lips.
***
Ji Won was still fuming as she watched Joon Young storm out of the restaurant. They both has something in common because the kiss has been more than either of them could take.
It had been quick with him kissing her and her body freezing from shock. He let his lips linger on hers for a bit but when he realized that she wasn't responding, he'd taken them off. But they had stayed long enough for her to feel his breath against her face, feel his skin against hers and to feel the force of his lips. And she was livid! How dare he? How could he possibly think that just because she was playing along with him, he had the right to kiss her like that?
She held her breath to keep from exploding but the second Joon Young walked out, she exhaled and pushed Shin's chair away from her. Even though he slipped, he didn't fall off it. He'd expected it so he'd tried his best to retain his balance.
She grabbed her bag and stood up, pushing the table in the process and scraping its leg against the floor thus attracting attention from some of the people around them. She glanced at them then turned her full attention to Shin. "How dare you?"
Shin wanted to say that he was sorry but he couldn't. Even though she hadn't kissed him back, even though her body had turned cold, her lips had still been very warm. And he'd liked the way they'd felt. So no, he wasn't sorry.
"Why are you just staring at me like a fool? Say something, you as.shole!"
Angered by his lack of response and remorse, she wanted to do something to hurt him. She wanted to slap him but after what had just happened, really didn't want her skin to touch his again. So she looked around and reached for her glass but saw that it was empty. Then she moved her hands a few inches, grabbed his martini glass and threw its contents at his face. "Fu.ck you," she said, walking by him and towards the exit. She almost looked back to see his reaction but didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Besides, it had felt pretty good to throw the drink at him. It was her first time of doing it and if it always felt this great, she planned to do it more often.
Chapter 15
Ji Won slammed the door shut behind her, threw her keys inside her bag and dumped it underneath the coat rack. Then she kicked her shoes off and ran into her bedroom. The drive from the restaurant had taken half the time it normally would have and it was a surprise that she wasn't pulled over by the cops.
How dare he kiss her? After all that had happened, how could he possibly think that he could kiss her? What an assh.ole. Fu.cking successful men and their fu.cking sense of fu.cking entitlement. Did he think that she was some kind of toy he could play with for his amusement? She fell on her bed and hid her face. Boy was she stupid. As mad as she was at him, she couldn't ignore her role in the whole shenanigans. The idiot obviously had a penchant for pretense so if she hadn't enjoyed watching Joon Young squirm, things wouldn't have escalated as they had. If she hadn't let him put his arm around her, there was no way he would have thought that it was okay to kiss her. But no more – it would never happen again. It wasn't her birthday but she felt many years wiser and with this new found wisdom, she was even stronger in her resolve to end everything with him.
She sat up and looked at all his chapters scattered over her desk. Then she got up, walked over, picked them up and stacked them in her hand. She sighed as she read one line off his manuscript. Was it sad that she still wanted to read the rest of his story?
She certainly still enjoyed reading his words and when it came down to the work itself, he'd been her most consistent writer by far. He was prolific and talented so she'd never had to babysit him. And there was no question that working on his memoir was a huge step in her career. But was that all worth working with someone she loathed for a few more weeks?
She bent over, opened the left desk drawer and pulled out a large brown envelope. No, it's not, she thought as she stuffed the chapters in the envelope.
***
Ji Won looked at the envelope and after pasting close to twenty stamps on it, she knew she'd definitely gone overboard on the postage but she wanted to make sure there would be absolutely no problem delivering the package. She opened the cold mail box and exhaled. The minute she dropped it in the tin box was the minute her working relationship with Yoon Pil Suh ended. In the note she'd included, she'd written a few words thanking him for the opportunity to work with him after expressing regret about her inability to continue the relationship. She looked at the thick package one last time then dropped it inside the box. She heard it hit the bottom then sighed. It was all over. It was obviously going to take some time to forget it all but at least she'd taken the first step to putting it behind her.
She was turning around when she heard a car screech. Then someone call her name. She spun around to see her friends waving at her from Kyung Ho's car.
***
"It's a scientifically proven fact that men are stupid," Eun Hee said. She was the tallest and thinnest in their group and only returned to the country three hours earlier. After Kyung Ho filled her in on all that had happened, she'd insisted that Ji Won needed comforting. So on their way to her place, they'd stopped by the liquor store, amongst other places, and bought four 6-packs of beer – one for each of them.
"Hear! Hear!" Mi Na said before gulping down some more beer. She was the resident fish in their group and even though she constantly ingested copious amounts of alcohol, no one had ever seen her truly drunk.
"I think it has something to do with having their genitals outside of their bodies," Eun Hee said, putting her hand over her pelvic area. "There's no way that having to look at their penises everyday doesn't screw up their brains."
Ji Won smiled. They'd been over for over ten minutes and even though she knew why they'd stopped by, was glad to have them around. It also helped that they'd also brought by some groceries that would save her at least one trip to the store.
Kyung Ho put down his beer then raised his hand. "There's a flaw in your argument, Eun Hee yah. Not that I agree that men are stupid but aren't women's breasts outside of their bodies?"
"Like it's the same thing," Mi Na said, rolling her eyes. "When was the last time you heard of a woman cumming from someone touching her boobies?"
"I have!" Eun Hee said with her mouth full of pizza.
"Yeah, right," Ji Won countered.
"No, wait. Let me finish what's in my mouth." After she'd chewed and swallowed, she said, "You know when you're sixteen and everything is so hot and erotic? And all a guy has to do is touch your face and suddenly, your belly is doing flip flops, your heart starts beating rapidly, your breathing becomes heavier and you start feeling all sexy and wet just because a guy's dirty finger grazed your skin?"
They all burst out laughing.
Kyung Ho announced that he knew nothing about that.
"Well, I think I came one time just from something brushing up against my breast. But," she said, tapping her upper lip, "now that I think about it, was it just static electricity?"
Kyung Ho groaned. "You've started with your stories again. You don't know the difference between static electricity and an orgasm?"
"Hello? I was only sixteen and I felt a jolt so I must have thought, "Oh, so this is what an orgasm is."
They laughed again.
"Eun Hee, get a life."
"Whatever," she said, getting off the loveseat she was on, walking over to Ji Won, sitting next to her, then hugging her. "Hun, I'm so sorry you had to go through this."
"Yes, it just stinks," Mi Na said solemnly.
Ji Won didn't say anything but hugged her back. Her spirits really were lifting.
When they were done, Eun Hee reached over to the bowl of chips and picked one. "I think you should sue, though."
"It actually doesn't sound like a bad idea," Kyung Ho piped in, "because this whole thing doesn't make any sense at all. Why would they even do this? They didn't even know you and just decided to pull a prank on you. Why?"
"Because they are deranged –that's why. Unnie," Mi Na said, "you don't have to accept this. I am sure there is some kind of professional misconduct here. It's just so ridiculous."
"Yes, talk to your lawyer about this. There has to be something you can do," Eun Hee said.
"And if that doesn't work, we can rough him up – I know some people."
"Kyung Ho, this isn't the time for jokes."
Ji Won listened to her friends being so supportive from offering to help with the lawyer's fees to starting internet rumors to destroy his reputation that she couldn't help but feel a little bad. Even though she was disgusted with Shin, she still felt guilty about keeping the full story from them. If they could come to her aid like this, they deserved to know the truth. She took a deep breath in and said, "I slept with him."
Kyung Ho narrowed his eyes then scratched his head in confusion. "Can you repeat that? I think I misheard you."
"Yeah, I totally misheard her too," Mi Na said.
"Yeah, me too," Eun Hee said.
Ji Won frowned. What was wrong with them? "I said that I slept with him."
The room fell into silence other than the sounds coming from the television.
Eun Hee was first to recover from the shock. "I don't get it. The whole time you thought you were in love with the writer, you were sleeping with the person you thought was the agent?"
"No." It was funny how she'd been hiding the secret from her friends but now that she was telling them, it really didn't seem like such a big deal. "I met him before. In Aruba."
"Unnie, now I'm confused. If you already met him, why didn't you know who he was?"
Ji Won turned to her sister. "I met him in Aruba. I was Alex and he was Shin. We had a one night stand. The end."
The room fell into silence for the second time but this time, it was Kyung Ho's turn to recover first.
"Hmm… Ji Won ah," he said, moving his finger in an anti-clockwise fashion, "back it up a few hundred miles and start from the beginning. But this time, don't leave out any details."
***
The first thing Ji Won did when she walked into work the next morning was check her messages and just like she'd expected, she found one from Jin Mo – the real one – asking her to return his call. The second thing she did was walk into her boss's office.
Ms. Jung was a former model who'd turned to publishing after her modeling career ended. She'd studied biology in college but had slept with enough powerful men so when she turned twenty-seven and discovered that she could no longer land sizeable contracts, had managed to turn one of those trysts into a job in the publicity department of a major publishing house.
But not long into the job, she'd been transferred to the non-fiction department and it became quite obvious that she had the ability to find gems in the company's slush pile. And not just the well written work but also the badly written ones that could earn the company millions.
She'd climbed the ranks in the ten years and even though she was not nearly as thin as she'd been in her modeling days, she was still very attractive. And intimidating.
As Ji Won waited for Ms. Jung's secretary to let her in, she practiced everything she was going to stay to her. She knew it wouldn't be easy but she didn't have a choice. A few minutes later, she was standing in her boss's office.
"Hello, Ji Won," she said, smiling brightly at her. "How are you doing? Why don't you sit down?" As Ji Won did, she asked, "How's the Yoon memoir coming along?"
Ji Won cleared her throat. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
Ms. Jung dropped the pen in her hand. "What about it?" She'd always been good at reading people so she already knew what she wasn't going to like what she was about to hear.
Ji Won inhaled and tried to look confident. "I don't think I'll be able to work on it any longer."
"Excuse me?" She smiled even though it was clear that her eyes were far from pleasant. In the past month alone, she'd already had two editors quit in the middle of major revisions and didn't have the patience to accommodate a third.
Ji Won looked directly into her eyes. "I've tried but I don't think I'm a good fit for this project. I think someone else should take it over from me."
"You're only the first editor so someone else will work on it after you're done."
"I know."
"You're saying that you can't even finish this much?"
Ji Won nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Why not? And if you're having problems, why am I only hearing about it now? You must at least be halfway through it by now. Am I correct?"
Ji Won nodded again. "I'm sorry but please give it to someone else. I don't think I can work on it any longer."
She smirked. "Is this some kind of joke? Weren't you the one who begged me for this opportunity? How many meetings did you have with me because we wanted to try something different? And after going out on a limb for you, even though you have no experience with this, after giving you a high profile project, you've decided to fu.ck it all up?"
Ji Won looked away. "I'm sorry."
She shook her head in irritation and hissed. "Go and apologize to someone who gives a sh.it. Are you out of your mind? You know you're not working with a newbie writer, right? If we have problems with this project, there's a good chance it will get leaked to the press."
"I know. And I'm sorry."
"I don't want to hear that again! I don't give a fu.ck about your apology." Her voice softened. "What's the problem?"
Ji Won looked down and didn't say anything. It's not like she could tell her boss the real reason.
"Miss Na, your career is on the line here. If you want me to take you seriously, you're going to have to give me a good reason for dropping this project. I read the synopsis and this book has the potential to top the bestseller lists for months. Give me an explanation that makes sense!"
Ms. Jung was still waiting for Ji Won's response when her secretary buzzed and informed her that Shin was on the line for her.
Intrigued by the coincidence, she glanced at Ji Won then picked up the phone.
"Hello, Mr. Yoon, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"I'm fine Ms. Jung. I just called to touch base with you about the book and heap praise on your editor, Miss Na," he replied cheerfully.
"Oh really?" She raised her brow then studied Ji Won who'd adopted a poker face. "Coincidently, Miss Na is in my office right now. May I put you on speaker?"
"Please do." When he was on speaker and Shin and Ji Won had exchanged forced pleasantries, he said, "A few minutes ago, I was reading some of the comments I've received from Miss Na and I must say that they are very insightful. One gets used to writing a certain way and it's certainly great to see one's work from a different perspective. I think that my writing will be the better for it." He paused. "I think this just might be my best book yet and it's all because of Miss Na. I'm already thinking of the follow-up book and I'd love her to work on that too."
After praising her some more, and having some small talk with Ms. Jung, the call ended.
Ms. Jung turned to Ji Won. "That was interesting." She'd been studying her employee throughout the call and from the way her body had tensed up when she heard his voice, she could bet a few thousand Won that sex was somehow involved in this whole mess.
She cleared her throat. "Is he hitting on you? Sexually harassing you?"
Ji Won looked up and shook her head. She knew that if she dared accuse him of that, her letters to him would come back and bite her in the as.s. Talk less of Aruba. "That's not it."
"Well," her boss said in frustration, "if you're not going to give me a reasonable explanation, I'm going to assume that you're someone I cannot trust. The client loves your work yet you don't think it's a good fit for you. I'll give you some time to think about it. Come back on Monday and give me your final decision."
***
Two days later, Ji Won got home and found a package lying in front of her door. It looked like it had been messengered over and received by one of her neighbors. She picked it up, walked into her apartment, shut the door and ripped it open. Just as she'd suspected, she found the chapters she'd previously mailed to Shin. She pulled them out and checked to see if he'd included a note but there was nothing. It wasn't like she wanted an apology but if he seriously wanted to keep working with her, didn't it make a little sense to apologize? Instead, he sent back the package as she'd sent it - including the note she'd attached - essentially refusing her rejection.
She dumped the package on her dinning table and sat down on a chair. What was she going to do? Should she send the package back and make it clear that there was no way she could work with him? She bent her head over. It was all so tiring. She reached for the package and tapped her fingers on it. Could she really risk her career over this B.S.?
How dare he kiss her? After all that had happened, how could he possibly think that he could kiss her? What an assh.ole. Fu.cking successful men and their fu.cking sense of fu.cking entitlement. Did he think that she was some kind of toy he could play with for his amusement? She fell on her bed and hid her face. Boy was she stupid. As mad as she was at him, she couldn't ignore her role in the whole shenanigans. The idiot obviously had a penchant for pretense so if she hadn't enjoyed watching Joon Young squirm, things wouldn't have escalated as they had. If she hadn't let him put his arm around her, there was no way he would have thought that it was okay to kiss her. But no more – it would never happen again. It wasn't her birthday but she felt many years wiser and with this new found wisdom, she was even stronger in her resolve to end everything with him.
She sat up and looked at all his chapters scattered over her desk. Then she got up, walked over, picked them up and stacked them in her hand. She sighed as she read one line off his manuscript. Was it sad that she still wanted to read the rest of his story?
She certainly still enjoyed reading his words and when it came down to the work itself, he'd been her most consistent writer by far. He was prolific and talented so she'd never had to babysit him. And there was no question that working on his memoir was a huge step in her career. But was that all worth working with someone she loathed for a few more weeks?
She bent over, opened the left desk drawer and pulled out a large brown envelope. No, it's not, she thought as she stuffed the chapters in the envelope.
***
Ji Won looked at the envelope and after pasting close to twenty stamps on it, she knew she'd definitely gone overboard on the postage but she wanted to make sure there would be absolutely no problem delivering the package. She opened the cold mail box and exhaled. The minute she dropped it in the tin box was the minute her working relationship with Yoon Pil Suh ended. In the note she'd included, she'd written a few words thanking him for the opportunity to work with him after expressing regret about her inability to continue the relationship. She looked at the thick package one last time then dropped it inside the box. She heard it hit the bottom then sighed. It was all over. It was obviously going to take some time to forget it all but at least she'd taken the first step to putting it behind her.
She was turning around when she heard a car screech. Then someone call her name. She spun around to see her friends waving at her from Kyung Ho's car.
***
"It's a scientifically proven fact that men are stupid," Eun Hee said. She was the tallest and thinnest in their group and only returned to the country three hours earlier. After Kyung Ho filled her in on all that had happened, she'd insisted that Ji Won needed comforting. So on their way to her place, they'd stopped by the liquor store, amongst other places, and bought four 6-packs of beer – one for each of them.
"Hear! Hear!" Mi Na said before gulping down some more beer. She was the resident fish in their group and even though she constantly ingested copious amounts of alcohol, no one had ever seen her truly drunk.
"I think it has something to do with having their genitals outside of their bodies," Eun Hee said, putting her hand over her pelvic area. "There's no way that having to look at their penises everyday doesn't screw up their brains."
Ji Won smiled. They'd been over for over ten minutes and even though she knew why they'd stopped by, was glad to have them around. It also helped that they'd also brought by some groceries that would save her at least one trip to the store.
Kyung Ho put down his beer then raised his hand. "There's a flaw in your argument, Eun Hee yah. Not that I agree that men are stupid but aren't women's breasts outside of their bodies?"
"Like it's the same thing," Mi Na said, rolling her eyes. "When was the last time you heard of a woman cumming from someone touching her boobies?"
"I have!" Eun Hee said with her mouth full of pizza.
"Yeah, right," Ji Won countered.
"No, wait. Let me finish what's in my mouth." After she'd chewed and swallowed, she said, "You know when you're sixteen and everything is so hot and erotic? And all a guy has to do is touch your face and suddenly, your belly is doing flip flops, your heart starts beating rapidly, your breathing becomes heavier and you start feeling all sexy and wet just because a guy's dirty finger grazed your skin?"
They all burst out laughing.
Kyung Ho announced that he knew nothing about that.
"Well, I think I came one time just from something brushing up against my breast. But," she said, tapping her upper lip, "now that I think about it, was it just static electricity?"
Kyung Ho groaned. "You've started with your stories again. You don't know the difference between static electricity and an orgasm?"
"Hello? I was only sixteen and I felt a jolt so I must have thought, "Oh, so this is what an orgasm is."
They laughed again.
"Eun Hee, get a life."
"Whatever," she said, getting off the loveseat she was on, walking over to Ji Won, sitting next to her, then hugging her. "Hun, I'm so sorry you had to go through this."
"Yes, it just stinks," Mi Na said solemnly.
Ji Won didn't say anything but hugged her back. Her spirits really were lifting.
When they were done, Eun Hee reached over to the bowl of chips and picked one. "I think you should sue, though."
"It actually doesn't sound like a bad idea," Kyung Ho piped in, "because this whole thing doesn't make any sense at all. Why would they even do this? They didn't even know you and just decided to pull a prank on you. Why?"
"Because they are deranged –that's why. Unnie," Mi Na said, "you don't have to accept this. I am sure there is some kind of professional misconduct here. It's just so ridiculous."
"Yes, talk to your lawyer about this. There has to be something you can do," Eun Hee said.
"And if that doesn't work, we can rough him up – I know some people."
"Kyung Ho, this isn't the time for jokes."
Ji Won listened to her friends being so supportive from offering to help with the lawyer's fees to starting internet rumors to destroy his reputation that she couldn't help but feel a little bad. Even though she was disgusted with Shin, she still felt guilty about keeping the full story from them. If they could come to her aid like this, they deserved to know the truth. She took a deep breath in and said, "I slept with him."
Kyung Ho narrowed his eyes then scratched his head in confusion. "Can you repeat that? I think I misheard you."
"Yeah, I totally misheard her too," Mi Na said.
"Yeah, me too," Eun Hee said.
Ji Won frowned. What was wrong with them? "I said that I slept with him."
The room fell into silence other than the sounds coming from the television.
Eun Hee was first to recover from the shock. "I don't get it. The whole time you thought you were in love with the writer, you were sleeping with the person you thought was the agent?"
"No." It was funny how she'd been hiding the secret from her friends but now that she was telling them, it really didn't seem like such a big deal. "I met him before. In Aruba."
"Unnie, now I'm confused. If you already met him, why didn't you know who he was?"
Ji Won turned to her sister. "I met him in Aruba. I was Alex and he was Shin. We had a one night stand. The end."
The room fell into silence for the second time but this time, it was Kyung Ho's turn to recover first.
"Hmm… Ji Won ah," he said, moving his finger in an anti-clockwise fashion, "back it up a few hundred miles and start from the beginning. But this time, don't leave out any details."
***
The first thing Ji Won did when she walked into work the next morning was check her messages and just like she'd expected, she found one from Jin Mo – the real one – asking her to return his call. The second thing she did was walk into her boss's office.
Ms. Jung was a former model who'd turned to publishing after her modeling career ended. She'd studied biology in college but had slept with enough powerful men so when she turned twenty-seven and discovered that she could no longer land sizeable contracts, had managed to turn one of those trysts into a job in the publicity department of a major publishing house.
But not long into the job, she'd been transferred to the non-fiction department and it became quite obvious that she had the ability to find gems in the company's slush pile. And not just the well written work but also the badly written ones that could earn the company millions.
She'd climbed the ranks in the ten years and even though she was not nearly as thin as she'd been in her modeling days, she was still very attractive. And intimidating.
As Ji Won waited for Ms. Jung's secretary to let her in, she practiced everything she was going to stay to her. She knew it wouldn't be easy but she didn't have a choice. A few minutes later, she was standing in her boss's office.
"Hello, Ji Won," she said, smiling brightly at her. "How are you doing? Why don't you sit down?" As Ji Won did, she asked, "How's the Yoon memoir coming along?"
Ji Won cleared her throat. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
Ms. Jung dropped the pen in her hand. "What about it?" She'd always been good at reading people so she already knew what she wasn't going to like what she was about to hear.
Ji Won inhaled and tried to look confident. "I don't think I'll be able to work on it any longer."
"Excuse me?" She smiled even though it was clear that her eyes were far from pleasant. In the past month alone, she'd already had two editors quit in the middle of major revisions and didn't have the patience to accommodate a third.
Ji Won looked directly into her eyes. "I've tried but I don't think I'm a good fit for this project. I think someone else should take it over from me."
"You're only the first editor so someone else will work on it after you're done."
"I know."
"You're saying that you can't even finish this much?"
Ji Won nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Why not? And if you're having problems, why am I only hearing about it now? You must at least be halfway through it by now. Am I correct?"
Ji Won nodded again. "I'm sorry but please give it to someone else. I don't think I can work on it any longer."
She smirked. "Is this some kind of joke? Weren't you the one who begged me for this opportunity? How many meetings did you have with me because we wanted to try something different? And after going out on a limb for you, even though you have no experience with this, after giving you a high profile project, you've decided to fu.ck it all up?"
Ji Won looked away. "I'm sorry."
She shook her head in irritation and hissed. "Go and apologize to someone who gives a sh.it. Are you out of your mind? You know you're not working with a newbie writer, right? If we have problems with this project, there's a good chance it will get leaked to the press."
"I know. And I'm sorry."
"I don't want to hear that again! I don't give a fu.ck about your apology." Her voice softened. "What's the problem?"
Ji Won looked down and didn't say anything. It's not like she could tell her boss the real reason.
"Miss Na, your career is on the line here. If you want me to take you seriously, you're going to have to give me a good reason for dropping this project. I read the synopsis and this book has the potential to top the bestseller lists for months. Give me an explanation that makes sense!"
Ms. Jung was still waiting for Ji Won's response when her secretary buzzed and informed her that Shin was on the line for her.
Intrigued by the coincidence, she glanced at Ji Won then picked up the phone.
"Hello, Mr. Yoon, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"I'm fine Ms. Jung. I just called to touch base with you about the book and heap praise on your editor, Miss Na," he replied cheerfully.
"Oh really?" She raised her brow then studied Ji Won who'd adopted a poker face. "Coincidently, Miss Na is in my office right now. May I put you on speaker?"
"Please do." When he was on speaker and Shin and Ji Won had exchanged forced pleasantries, he said, "A few minutes ago, I was reading some of the comments I've received from Miss Na and I must say that they are very insightful. One gets used to writing a certain way and it's certainly great to see one's work from a different perspective. I think that my writing will be the better for it." He paused. "I think this just might be my best book yet and it's all because of Miss Na. I'm already thinking of the follow-up book and I'd love her to work on that too."
After praising her some more, and having some small talk with Ms. Jung, the call ended.
Ms. Jung turned to Ji Won. "That was interesting." She'd been studying her employee throughout the call and from the way her body had tensed up when she heard his voice, she could bet a few thousand Won that sex was somehow involved in this whole mess.
She cleared her throat. "Is he hitting on you? Sexually harassing you?"
Ji Won looked up and shook her head. She knew that if she dared accuse him of that, her letters to him would come back and bite her in the as.s. Talk less of Aruba. "That's not it."
"Well," her boss said in frustration, "if you're not going to give me a reasonable explanation, I'm going to assume that you're someone I cannot trust. The client loves your work yet you don't think it's a good fit for you. I'll give you some time to think about it. Come back on Monday and give me your final decision."
***
Two days later, Ji Won got home and found a package lying in front of her door. It looked like it had been messengered over and received by one of her neighbors. She picked it up, walked into her apartment, shut the door and ripped it open. Just as she'd suspected, she found the chapters she'd previously mailed to Shin. She pulled them out and checked to see if he'd included a note but there was nothing. It wasn't like she wanted an apology but if he seriously wanted to keep working with her, didn't it make a little sense to apologize? Instead, he sent back the package as she'd sent it - including the note she'd attached - essentially refusing her rejection.
She dumped the package on her dinning table and sat down on a chair. What was she going to do? Should she send the package back and make it clear that there was no way she could work with him? She bent her head over. It was all so tiring. She reached for the package and tapped her fingers on it. Could she really risk her career over this B.S.?
Chapter 16
"Pil Suh yah," I heard a voice say as I was awoken from my sleep. On arriving in Seoul, the truck driver had dropped me off at the given address and left. No, he wasn't a cruel man who thought it was right to leave a little boy alone in a strange city but after ringing the doorbell and waiting for over an hour, he had to leave in order to make his other appointments.
I stood in front of the building, the cold seeping through my shoes and freezing my toes, watching people enter and exit the building without giving me a second look.
The man told me that my mother would be picking me up but since, at the time, I was still vague on what she looked like, I smiled at every woman who passed by and each time, they looked through me.
Finally, when I no longer had much energy to remain standing, I placed my bag at the foot to the door, sat on it, bent my head over and went to sleep.
"Wake up, Pil Suh," the woman said, shaking me some more.
As I opened my eyes and looked at her, I realized that my face was slightly frozen and every single muscle twitch I made was met with a crack and subsequent pain.
She placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry for being late. I couldn't get away sooner. Get up. Let's go in." She waited for me to pick up my bag then opened the door to the building.
As I followed her up the narrow stairs, I lied that I liked the dingy, cold place. The wooden stairs were filthy and creaked with every single step. The railings looked so old and dirty that one would have thought that they led to a coal mine.
"That's good."
"Do you live here alone?" I asked.
She shook her head. "I don't live here."
"Where do you live?" I asked, exhaling. My mood brightened at the thought of living elsewhere.
"With my husband and children. My friend lives here," she said, "and you'll be staying with him for a while. Halmoni taught you how to clean a house, right?" She glanced back at me.
I nodded.
"Good."
Ji Won put down the manuscript in her hand. How was it possible that while editing a cookbook called, "Real Men Are Vegan," she was thinking of Shin's story? After some deep reflection, and thoughts of unemployment, she decided that she was a professional and could work with him for a few more weeks. All she'd have to do was mail him the edited chapters and he'd simply mail her his work. It was simple and efficient and the way many relationships between editors and writers worked.
All would have been good if it wasn't already fours weeks since she'd sent him his last edited chapter and the last 'contact' she'd had with him. Even though he hadn't returned her edits to her, he hadn't sent any new chapters either. And ever since that fateful day she'd spoken to her boss, the woman had taken it upon herself to keep abreast of 'The Yoon Memoir' and Ji Won had run out of explanations for why, lately, she seemed to be working on all projects by his.
She picked up her phone and went through her guestbook. Was it odd that not only had she not deleted his number, she still had it listed under 'Jo Jin Mo?' She called the number and the second it was answered, said, "Hello?"
"Yes?"
"Ehm… this is Miss Na… Ji Won. Na Ji Won. Your editor?" She contorted her face in self-disgust. Why did she sound so stupid?
"Yes, I can tell from my caller-id." He sounded bored. "How may I help you?"
Considering the last thing he'd done was kiss her, he sounded way too formal and Ji Won was taken aback by his tone. "Er… Mr. uhm…." What should I call him? "Mr. Yoon?"
"Yes?"
She took a deep breath in and sat up straight. She was a professional for goodness sake and contacting a lazy writer was part of her job. "I haven't heard from you for a while and I just wanted to catch up."
"Okay."
"So how's the writing coming?"
Shin hesitated before saying, "It's not."
"What do you mean?"
"Writer's block."
"Writer's block?" Even though the condition was real, it was also an excuse many writers fell back on when they were dragging their feet on their work. It was usually her job to tell the difference. "How can you have writer's block? Aren't you just writing from memory?"
"So?"
"So what are you having problems with?"
He sighed. "Don't worry about it, okay? The second I write something, I'll send it to you."
"Which would be when? In the next week or so? We were doing so well before. I don't want us to get behind on our schedule."
"I don't know. But when I do, you'll know about it, okay? Bye—"
"Hold up." What was wrong with the guy? He sounded strange and not the least bit like the person, or persons, she'd known. "Are you rushing me off the phone?"
"Why would I do that?"
"I don't know. But it sounded like you were." And why were his responses so curt and cold? Wasn't she the one who'd been wronged? She was the one supposed to be giving all the attitude and not him. Over a month earlier, she'd promised not to attach any emotions to all her dealings with him yet it looked like he was determined to piss her off. "Don't rush me off the phone."
"Okay." After a moment of silence, he said, "If that's all—"
Ji Won groaned. They were so not getting anywhere – she still didn't know when to expect his next chapter. "Let's meet."
"Sorry?"
"Let's meet up and talk."
"Why? About what?"
"Let's just meet up and talk, okay? Let's talk about the problems you're having. When are you free? Name the time and place and I'll be there. Whenever and wherever you want."
After a few seconds, he said, "Meet me in front of the Museum of Fine Arts at 2pm."
"When? Today?" She hadn't expected to meet him so soon.
"Yes. Will that be a problem?"
"No. See you there."
***
"Why am I not surprised you're here at 1:40?"
He was smiling. From his demeanor on the phone, it was the last thing she expected. She noticed he'd gotten a haircut and another thing she noticed was that those feelings of attraction had somehow returned. Could a guy become incredibly hot over the course of a few weeks? She didn't know how or why but there was something about his smiling brown eyes and chiseled jaw that made her eyes fall onto his lips. She sucked in her breath and looked away but not before she stole a quick glance at his body.
Casually dressed in jeans and a light jacket, his body looked as trim and toned as ever, and she suddenly felt the need to run her fingers over his bare chest. She turned around and took a deep breath in. Was she ovulating? What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she acting like a horny school girl? Time had passed so she was no longer as mad as she'd initially been but it didn't mean that she'd forgiven him for what he'd done to her. No, there was no way she could be attracted to a vengeful guy who'd toyed with her feelings like she was an arcade game. With those thoughts in mind, she stole another glance at him and unfortunately, the attraction was still there. She just had to work on getting rid of that.
He stepped in front of her and handed her a ticket. "The exhibition is this way," he said, leading her to a short queue a few meters ahead.
They didn't say much to each other as they waited in line, but when they were standing in front of the first painting, Shin said, "I've always liked Mr. Schmidt's work and when I heard the exhibition would be in Seoul, I just had to come. Today's the first day. It'll be running for about 6 weeks."
Ji Won nodded but kept her lips together. As she looked at all the other people around, she wondered what she was doing there and what it had to do with his memoir. "About your writer's block…," she began to say.
Shin shook his head. "Can we hold off on that conversation? I want to look at these paintings first. It helps me."
Art was never really Ji Won's thing and she was one of those people who needed abstract art explained to her. But she did like Schmidt's work – at least he painted things she could easily recognize. A painting of a bowl with two apples next to it she could get. A canvas with eight colors splashed against one another, she couldn't.
She followed Shin as they navigated through the rooms till she spotted a painting and laughed. "Now I see why you like his work." She smirked. "A woman in her bra and no panties. Yep. This is art."
He laughed. "No. If you look over there, you'll see some still life paintings," he said, pointing at another wall in the next room. Her call had been unexpected. He'd understood that it was pointless having any fantasies about being with her so he'd spent some time trying to come to terms with the love that could never be. He hadn't been completely honest about having writer's block because he definitely had new chapters to send to her but every time he tried to stuff one in an envelope, he stopped himself. Something about sending them off felt so final. Almost like he'd finally accepted that the only relationship they could have was as a very impersonal editor and writer. So as in every aspect of his life but writing, he'd procrastinated.
She looked over at the still life paintings then tut-tutted. "Yet, we are in the section featuring pseudo-nudes."
He laughed again. "Not really. The lady in that painting," he said, pointing at one on the adjacent wall, "is full clothed."
He walked over to it and she followed. He stared at it for a few seconds before saying, "What I really like about Schmidt's work is that they are so alive. He somehow manages to capture so much emotion and life in his work that just by looking at this, I feel like I know everything about this woman."
"Really? Like what?" She studied the painting and tried to see if she shared his feelings.
"Well, she's sitting by the window, staring outside. You can see the other buildings and from the people in those windows, you know that this is obviously an urban setting. She looks around late twenties/early thirty and from the ring on her finger, you can see that she's married. But not a newlywed. There's a certain sadness about her that only a woman married for a few years can possess."
She laughed. Silly guy. "Go on."
"I think that's a baby sock on her bed so we can guess that she's a young mother. She's way too relaxed in the chair so she's not looking out, searching for someone. It looks like she's bored, just trying to kill time so she's people-watching from her bedroom window. She's a housewife but she's bored with it. Instead of sitting in front of the couch, killing time by watching television, she's staring outside the window because that's where she wants to be."
Ji Won nodded. Everything he said made sense. She was about to say something complimentary till she remembered that this was a business call. "I see how this might help you with your writer's block."
"Yeah, I can write a short story about a woman by the window but how's that going to help me with my memoir?" he joked.
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe help get your creative juices flowing? I think it'll be a good idea to write something, just anything tonight. Why don't you try to write something tonight and call me tomorrow? Maybe we can keep a schedule and if you need my help in any way – maybe you need some motivation— I'll be more than happy to help you. It'll be good to get back to working on your memoir."
Instead of responding, Shin walked over to the next painting "Why don't you give it a go?"
"Pardon?"
"This painting. What do you see?" When he saw that she was about to refuse, he added, "Maybe seeing it from your perspective might help me."
Ji Won frowned. Yeah, right. But she decided to play along. "A little boy. He's running in the field to catch his school bus," she said, describing the painting called, "Boy Running Through Field."
Shin hissed. "Can you even see a road ahead?"
She squinted in an attempt to see if anything looked like a road. "No."
"So he's going to run miles just to catch the bus? People normally do that when the bus stop isn't so far away. When it's far, they simply walk."
Ji Won rolled her eyes. "Okay, what do you see?"
He studied it for a few moments before saying, "His father works in the city so he only sees his family on the weekends. This child loves his father. So as soon as the school bell goes off, he runs out of school so that he can be home when his father gets back from work."
"You don't even see a house. So how far is he going to run? Will he be able to make it?"
"Yeah," he said, not taking his eyes off the painting. "He has the stamina."
"So your boy has stamina but mine doesn't."
He nodded. "Mine is running on pure adrenaline."
"Bullsh.it."
He frowned at her for a moment before his lips broke into a smile and he chuckled. She looked at him then shook her head and laughed too.
They were looking at the next painting when he said, "You're looking well. Even though it's not even been two months since I saw you, it feels so much longer."
Ji Won pretended not to hear him and kept looking at the painting of an old couple sitting on a park bench.
But Shin wasn't discouraged. He owed her an apology and it was time for him to give it to her. He cleared his throat. "About what you wrote in those letters… what you felt for Pil Suh…"
She sharply turned her head to him. "Please, let's not talk about it. I'm here to help you with your writer's block."
"… those feelings you had for Pil Suh were mutual. I know you may not think—"
She clapped her hands once and glared at him. "Didn't I just say that we shouldn't talk about this?"
"Why not?" He was going to stand his ground even if it was the last thing he did. "I need to clear the air. I know that some time has passed but this is the only tension that exists between us."
"There's no tension between us, Mr. Yoon," she said sweetly, hoping that he could see she was being very serious. "Just forget about it and focus on getting rid of your writer's block so that we can finish this book."
"You're still mad," he said knowingly. Seven months after she left him in her hotel room, he'd still been mad so it definitely made sense to him.
"I'm not mad."
"The kiss… as you know, it was just for show. Just to piss off your ex-boyfriend. And it worked." He decided to tackle the easiest problem first and was glad that he had a reasonable excuse for what he'd done that day. "I hope you're not mad about that."
"LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS!" She looked around to see if any of the other museum guests were listening to their conversation but luckily most of them had headphones on.
"I listened to your apology. When you said you needed to apologize, I listened to you," he said plainly.
She looked up at him from the corner of her eye. "So now, I must do the same for you?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"It wouldn't hurt."
"It's tit for tat, huh?"
"If thinking that will make you listen to me, then yes."
She realized that there was no way of getting out of it. "Okay, speak."
He walked over to the next painting and waited till she was standing next to him. "I didn't plan on fooling you. It wasn't some elaborate hoax to hurt your feelings and get revenge. That first night we met… at the restaurant… from the look on your face, it was so obvious that you didn't want me to be Pil Suh."
She scoffed. "So it's my fault?"
"I didn't say that. I was mad and I made a stupid decision. Things weren't supposed to escalate so much and before I knew it, it got out of hand. It wasn't about getting revenge. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I hope you believe me. And even the letters, if you remember correctly, I didn't start them. You wrote me first."
"I really like how you're trying to blame everything on me."
He shook his head. "I'm not. I'm just explaining what happened. I think what I really loved about those letters was that I could be myself. My real self. I didn't have to pretend to be anyone else or act aloof or talk about myself in third person." He chuckled. "That got really annoying. I could be completely honest with you and you don't know how good it felt to talk to you that way and to have you respond in kind."
He looked at her and she quickly looked away. She really didn't like the way hearing him speak made her feel. Like he was the Yoon Pil Suh she'd written to. Like he was that guy she'd fallen for.
"I—"
The sound of someone calling him interrupted him mid-sentence and both of them turned around to find a petite, pretty woman smiling up at him. She was dressed in a smart skirt and blouse and looked like one of those women who fancied herself sophisticated.
"Hey, Shin ah. I'm surprised to see you!" she said, looking genuinely surprised.
"Really?" he said, rolling his eyes. It had been years since he'd seen her and even though it showed, she still looked good. Not that that made him any happier to run into her. "Surprised that I'm alive?" he said before he could stop himself.
"No," she said, a frown appearing on her face for a brief second before giving way to the smile, "but I guess I shouldn't be the least bit surprised after all, it's Schmidt's opening day. I still have the Schmidt you got me. It hangs in our living room."
He tried his best to ignore her last statement then introduced her to Ji Won.
"So, how's married life?" he asked after a few moments of awkwardness. It wasn't hard seeing her but it wasn't exactly easy either.
"It's great."
The smile appeared to be permanently on her face and Shin found it a little annoying.
"Really? Wasn't your husband arrested for securities fraud?" he asked with relish. It was quite pathetic how happy he'd been the day he read about it in the papers.
"Yes but he's currently dealing with that. He was framed."
He scoffed. "Yeah, every crook is innocent."
Ji Won was absolutely intrigued with the exchange taking place in front of her. And curious. Shin's demeanor was strange – like he was fighting to keep an uncountable number of emotions from surfacing.
The lady frowned. "Gosh, how many years has it been, Shin? You can be such a child, Yoon Pil Suh."
Feeling slightly shamed, he broke into a smile and laughed. He was no longer mad at her but for some reason, he still wanted to get under her skin. Not that any of that would erase any of the pain he'd endured because of her. But he really was over it. "Why don't you give me a hug?" he asked before hugging her.
When they were done, she said, "I'm sure I'll run into you soon enough. We should catch up some time. I know you're going to be back here before the exhibition leaves this place. I'm planning on coming here at least once a week."
"Oh really? What day do you think you'll be coming so that I can make sure I'm not here then?"
She laughed and hit him playfully. "You're so silly. I'll see you around," she said before kissing him on the cheek and turning around.
They both watched her leave and when she was no longer within earshot, Shin said, "It's funny how she thinks I'm kidding," he whispered into Ji Won's ear.
Suddenly noticing how close they were standing to each other, Ji Won took a step way. "Friend of yours?"
He nodded. "An old friend." He glanced at his watch. "Damn. I have a dentist appointment in twenty minutes. Sorry, I have to leave," he said before turning around and walking towards the entrance.
Ji Won turned back to the painting they'd been looking at. So many things had happened in the last few minutes but before she could begin to process them, she felt a tap on her shoulder.
She turned around to see Shin. "What?"
"Let's talk some more tomorrow. You know what you were saying about setting up a schedule and all that? Let's do that."
She nodded. "Sure."
"I'll pick you up at 10 am, then."
"Excuse me?" Pick who up? "Call me tomorrow – I'm not working so I won't be at the office."
"I know - it's the weekend. I'll see you at 10. In front of your apartment building. Bye."
I stood in front of the building, the cold seeping through my shoes and freezing my toes, watching people enter and exit the building without giving me a second look.
The man told me that my mother would be picking me up but since, at the time, I was still vague on what she looked like, I smiled at every woman who passed by and each time, they looked through me.
Finally, when I no longer had much energy to remain standing, I placed my bag at the foot to the door, sat on it, bent my head over and went to sleep.
"Wake up, Pil Suh," the woman said, shaking me some more.
As I opened my eyes and looked at her, I realized that my face was slightly frozen and every single muscle twitch I made was met with a crack and subsequent pain.
She placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry for being late. I couldn't get away sooner. Get up. Let's go in." She waited for me to pick up my bag then opened the door to the building.
As I followed her up the narrow stairs, I lied that I liked the dingy, cold place. The wooden stairs were filthy and creaked with every single step. The railings looked so old and dirty that one would have thought that they led to a coal mine.
"That's good."
"Do you live here alone?" I asked.
She shook her head. "I don't live here."
"Where do you live?" I asked, exhaling. My mood brightened at the thought of living elsewhere.
"With my husband and children. My friend lives here," she said, "and you'll be staying with him for a while. Halmoni taught you how to clean a house, right?" She glanced back at me.
I nodded.
"Good."
Ji Won put down the manuscript in her hand. How was it possible that while editing a cookbook called, "Real Men Are Vegan," she was thinking of Shin's story? After some deep reflection, and thoughts of unemployment, she decided that she was a professional and could work with him for a few more weeks. All she'd have to do was mail him the edited chapters and he'd simply mail her his work. It was simple and efficient and the way many relationships between editors and writers worked.
All would have been good if it wasn't already fours weeks since she'd sent him his last edited chapter and the last 'contact' she'd had with him. Even though he hadn't returned her edits to her, he hadn't sent any new chapters either. And ever since that fateful day she'd spoken to her boss, the woman had taken it upon herself to keep abreast of 'The Yoon Memoir' and Ji Won had run out of explanations for why, lately, she seemed to be working on all projects by his.
She picked up her phone and went through her guestbook. Was it odd that not only had she not deleted his number, she still had it listed under 'Jo Jin Mo?' She called the number and the second it was answered, said, "Hello?"
"Yes?"
"Ehm… this is Miss Na… Ji Won. Na Ji Won. Your editor?" She contorted her face in self-disgust. Why did she sound so stupid?
"Yes, I can tell from my caller-id." He sounded bored. "How may I help you?"
Considering the last thing he'd done was kiss her, he sounded way too formal and Ji Won was taken aback by his tone. "Er… Mr. uhm…." What should I call him? "Mr. Yoon?"
"Yes?"
She took a deep breath in and sat up straight. She was a professional for goodness sake and contacting a lazy writer was part of her job. "I haven't heard from you for a while and I just wanted to catch up."
"Okay."
"So how's the writing coming?"
Shin hesitated before saying, "It's not."
"What do you mean?"
"Writer's block."
"Writer's block?" Even though the condition was real, it was also an excuse many writers fell back on when they were dragging their feet on their work. It was usually her job to tell the difference. "How can you have writer's block? Aren't you just writing from memory?"
"So?"
"So what are you having problems with?"
He sighed. "Don't worry about it, okay? The second I write something, I'll send it to you."
"Which would be when? In the next week or so? We were doing so well before. I don't want us to get behind on our schedule."
"I don't know. But when I do, you'll know about it, okay? Bye—"
"Hold up." What was wrong with the guy? He sounded strange and not the least bit like the person, or persons, she'd known. "Are you rushing me off the phone?"
"Why would I do that?"
"I don't know. But it sounded like you were." And why were his responses so curt and cold? Wasn't she the one who'd been wronged? She was the one supposed to be giving all the attitude and not him. Over a month earlier, she'd promised not to attach any emotions to all her dealings with him yet it looked like he was determined to piss her off. "Don't rush me off the phone."
"Okay." After a moment of silence, he said, "If that's all—"
Ji Won groaned. They were so not getting anywhere – she still didn't know when to expect his next chapter. "Let's meet."
"Sorry?"
"Let's meet up and talk."
"Why? About what?"
"Let's just meet up and talk, okay? Let's talk about the problems you're having. When are you free? Name the time and place and I'll be there. Whenever and wherever you want."
After a few seconds, he said, "Meet me in front of the Museum of Fine Arts at 2pm."
"When? Today?" She hadn't expected to meet him so soon.
"Yes. Will that be a problem?"
"No. See you there."
***
"Why am I not surprised you're here at 1:40?"
He was smiling. From his demeanor on the phone, it was the last thing she expected. She noticed he'd gotten a haircut and another thing she noticed was that those feelings of attraction had somehow returned. Could a guy become incredibly hot over the course of a few weeks? She didn't know how or why but there was something about his smiling brown eyes and chiseled jaw that made her eyes fall onto his lips. She sucked in her breath and looked away but not before she stole a quick glance at his body.
Casually dressed in jeans and a light jacket, his body looked as trim and toned as ever, and she suddenly felt the need to run her fingers over his bare chest. She turned around and took a deep breath in. Was she ovulating? What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she acting like a horny school girl? Time had passed so she was no longer as mad as she'd initially been but it didn't mean that she'd forgiven him for what he'd done to her. No, there was no way she could be attracted to a vengeful guy who'd toyed with her feelings like she was an arcade game. With those thoughts in mind, she stole another glance at him and unfortunately, the attraction was still there. She just had to work on getting rid of that.
He stepped in front of her and handed her a ticket. "The exhibition is this way," he said, leading her to a short queue a few meters ahead.
They didn't say much to each other as they waited in line, but when they were standing in front of the first painting, Shin said, "I've always liked Mr. Schmidt's work and when I heard the exhibition would be in Seoul, I just had to come. Today's the first day. It'll be running for about 6 weeks."
Ji Won nodded but kept her lips together. As she looked at all the other people around, she wondered what she was doing there and what it had to do with his memoir. "About your writer's block…," she began to say.
Shin shook his head. "Can we hold off on that conversation? I want to look at these paintings first. It helps me."
Art was never really Ji Won's thing and she was one of those people who needed abstract art explained to her. But she did like Schmidt's work – at least he painted things she could easily recognize. A painting of a bowl with two apples next to it she could get. A canvas with eight colors splashed against one another, she couldn't.
She followed Shin as they navigated through the rooms till she spotted a painting and laughed. "Now I see why you like his work." She smirked. "A woman in her bra and no panties. Yep. This is art."
He laughed. "No. If you look over there, you'll see some still life paintings," he said, pointing at another wall in the next room. Her call had been unexpected. He'd understood that it was pointless having any fantasies about being with her so he'd spent some time trying to come to terms with the love that could never be. He hadn't been completely honest about having writer's block because he definitely had new chapters to send to her but every time he tried to stuff one in an envelope, he stopped himself. Something about sending them off felt so final. Almost like he'd finally accepted that the only relationship they could have was as a very impersonal editor and writer. So as in every aspect of his life but writing, he'd procrastinated.
She looked over at the still life paintings then tut-tutted. "Yet, we are in the section featuring pseudo-nudes."
He laughed again. "Not really. The lady in that painting," he said, pointing at one on the adjacent wall, "is full clothed."
He walked over to it and she followed. He stared at it for a few seconds before saying, "What I really like about Schmidt's work is that they are so alive. He somehow manages to capture so much emotion and life in his work that just by looking at this, I feel like I know everything about this woman."
"Really? Like what?" She studied the painting and tried to see if she shared his feelings.
"Well, she's sitting by the window, staring outside. You can see the other buildings and from the people in those windows, you know that this is obviously an urban setting. She looks around late twenties/early thirty and from the ring on her finger, you can see that she's married. But not a newlywed. There's a certain sadness about her that only a woman married for a few years can possess."
She laughed. Silly guy. "Go on."
"I think that's a baby sock on her bed so we can guess that she's a young mother. She's way too relaxed in the chair so she's not looking out, searching for someone. It looks like she's bored, just trying to kill time so she's people-watching from her bedroom window. She's a housewife but she's bored with it. Instead of sitting in front of the couch, killing time by watching television, she's staring outside the window because that's where she wants to be."
Ji Won nodded. Everything he said made sense. She was about to say something complimentary till she remembered that this was a business call. "I see how this might help you with your writer's block."
"Yeah, I can write a short story about a woman by the window but how's that going to help me with my memoir?" he joked.
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe help get your creative juices flowing? I think it'll be a good idea to write something, just anything tonight. Why don't you try to write something tonight and call me tomorrow? Maybe we can keep a schedule and if you need my help in any way – maybe you need some motivation— I'll be more than happy to help you. It'll be good to get back to working on your memoir."
Instead of responding, Shin walked over to the next painting "Why don't you give it a go?"
"Pardon?"
"This painting. What do you see?" When he saw that she was about to refuse, he added, "Maybe seeing it from your perspective might help me."
Ji Won frowned. Yeah, right. But she decided to play along. "A little boy. He's running in the field to catch his school bus," she said, describing the painting called, "Boy Running Through Field."
Shin hissed. "Can you even see a road ahead?"
She squinted in an attempt to see if anything looked like a road. "No."
"So he's going to run miles just to catch the bus? People normally do that when the bus stop isn't so far away. When it's far, they simply walk."
Ji Won rolled her eyes. "Okay, what do you see?"
He studied it for a few moments before saying, "His father works in the city so he only sees his family on the weekends. This child loves his father. So as soon as the school bell goes off, he runs out of school so that he can be home when his father gets back from work."
"You don't even see a house. So how far is he going to run? Will he be able to make it?"
"Yeah," he said, not taking his eyes off the painting. "He has the stamina."
"So your boy has stamina but mine doesn't."
He nodded. "Mine is running on pure adrenaline."
"Bullsh.it."
He frowned at her for a moment before his lips broke into a smile and he chuckled. She looked at him then shook her head and laughed too.
They were looking at the next painting when he said, "You're looking well. Even though it's not even been two months since I saw you, it feels so much longer."
Ji Won pretended not to hear him and kept looking at the painting of an old couple sitting on a park bench.
But Shin wasn't discouraged. He owed her an apology and it was time for him to give it to her. He cleared his throat. "About what you wrote in those letters… what you felt for Pil Suh…"
She sharply turned her head to him. "Please, let's not talk about it. I'm here to help you with your writer's block."
"… those feelings you had for Pil Suh were mutual. I know you may not think—"
She clapped her hands once and glared at him. "Didn't I just say that we shouldn't talk about this?"
"Why not?" He was going to stand his ground even if it was the last thing he did. "I need to clear the air. I know that some time has passed but this is the only tension that exists between us."
"There's no tension between us, Mr. Yoon," she said sweetly, hoping that he could see she was being very serious. "Just forget about it and focus on getting rid of your writer's block so that we can finish this book."
"You're still mad," he said knowingly. Seven months after she left him in her hotel room, he'd still been mad so it definitely made sense to him.
"I'm not mad."
"The kiss… as you know, it was just for show. Just to piss off your ex-boyfriend. And it worked." He decided to tackle the easiest problem first and was glad that he had a reasonable excuse for what he'd done that day. "I hope you're not mad about that."
"LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS!" She looked around to see if any of the other museum guests were listening to their conversation but luckily most of them had headphones on.
"I listened to your apology. When you said you needed to apologize, I listened to you," he said plainly.
She looked up at him from the corner of her eye. "So now, I must do the same for you?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"It wouldn't hurt."
"It's tit for tat, huh?"
"If thinking that will make you listen to me, then yes."
She realized that there was no way of getting out of it. "Okay, speak."
He walked over to the next painting and waited till she was standing next to him. "I didn't plan on fooling you. It wasn't some elaborate hoax to hurt your feelings and get revenge. That first night we met… at the restaurant… from the look on your face, it was so obvious that you didn't want me to be Pil Suh."
She scoffed. "So it's my fault?"
"I didn't say that. I was mad and I made a stupid decision. Things weren't supposed to escalate so much and before I knew it, it got out of hand. It wasn't about getting revenge. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I hope you believe me. And even the letters, if you remember correctly, I didn't start them. You wrote me first."
"I really like how you're trying to blame everything on me."
He shook his head. "I'm not. I'm just explaining what happened. I think what I really loved about those letters was that I could be myself. My real self. I didn't have to pretend to be anyone else or act aloof or talk about myself in third person." He chuckled. "That got really annoying. I could be completely honest with you and you don't know how good it felt to talk to you that way and to have you respond in kind."
He looked at her and she quickly looked away. She really didn't like the way hearing him speak made her feel. Like he was the Yoon Pil Suh she'd written to. Like he was that guy she'd fallen for.
"I—"
The sound of someone calling him interrupted him mid-sentence and both of them turned around to find a petite, pretty woman smiling up at him. She was dressed in a smart skirt and blouse and looked like one of those women who fancied herself sophisticated.
"Hey, Shin ah. I'm surprised to see you!" she said, looking genuinely surprised.
"Really?" he said, rolling his eyes. It had been years since he'd seen her and even though it showed, she still looked good. Not that that made him any happier to run into her. "Surprised that I'm alive?" he said before he could stop himself.
"No," she said, a frown appearing on her face for a brief second before giving way to the smile, "but I guess I shouldn't be the least bit surprised after all, it's Schmidt's opening day. I still have the Schmidt you got me. It hangs in our living room."
He tried his best to ignore her last statement then introduced her to Ji Won.
"So, how's married life?" he asked after a few moments of awkwardness. It wasn't hard seeing her but it wasn't exactly easy either.
"It's great."
The smile appeared to be permanently on her face and Shin found it a little annoying.
"Really? Wasn't your husband arrested for securities fraud?" he asked with relish. It was quite pathetic how happy he'd been the day he read about it in the papers.
"Yes but he's currently dealing with that. He was framed."
He scoffed. "Yeah, every crook is innocent."
Ji Won was absolutely intrigued with the exchange taking place in front of her. And curious. Shin's demeanor was strange – like he was fighting to keep an uncountable number of emotions from surfacing.
The lady frowned. "Gosh, how many years has it been, Shin? You can be such a child, Yoon Pil Suh."
Feeling slightly shamed, he broke into a smile and laughed. He was no longer mad at her but for some reason, he still wanted to get under her skin. Not that any of that would erase any of the pain he'd endured because of her. But he really was over it. "Why don't you give me a hug?" he asked before hugging her.
When they were done, she said, "I'm sure I'll run into you soon enough. We should catch up some time. I know you're going to be back here before the exhibition leaves this place. I'm planning on coming here at least once a week."
"Oh really? What day do you think you'll be coming so that I can make sure I'm not here then?"
She laughed and hit him playfully. "You're so silly. I'll see you around," she said before kissing him on the cheek and turning around.
They both watched her leave and when she was no longer within earshot, Shin said, "It's funny how she thinks I'm kidding," he whispered into Ji Won's ear.
Suddenly noticing how close they were standing to each other, Ji Won took a step way. "Friend of yours?"
He nodded. "An old friend." He glanced at his watch. "Damn. I have a dentist appointment in twenty minutes. Sorry, I have to leave," he said before turning around and walking towards the entrance.
Ji Won turned back to the painting they'd been looking at. So many things had happened in the last few minutes but before she could begin to process them, she felt a tap on her shoulder.
She turned around to see Shin. "What?"
"Let's talk some more tomorrow. You know what you were saying about setting up a schedule and all that? Let's do that."
She nodded. "Sure."
"I'll pick you up at 10 am, then."
"Excuse me?" Pick who up? "Call me tomorrow – I'm not working so I won't be at the office."
"I know - it's the weekend. I'll see you at 10. In front of your apartment building. Bye."
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