Chapter 26

Chapter 26


“Pil Suh yah… you came? I was scared you weren’t coming,” the older lady said as she stood up to greet them.

Ji Won raised her brow after looking at her watch – it was only 9:12. Twelve minutes were enough to scare her off? Curious, Ji Won looked at her face then back at Shin’s, searching for a resemblance. But truthfully, she couldn’t find one. So this was the woman that had brought Shin into the world. She looked very put together in her designer suit – like a rich man’s kept wife. Her hair was in a side swept bun, her make-up natural and neat and her ears had little diamonds dangling from them.

Ji Won stretched her hand out and the woman took it and held it limply as she gave her a bright smile. At that moment she saw the resemblance. Then the lady turned to Shin who was pulling out Ji Won’s chair.

“I thought you weren't coming,” she said as she sat down. “I was feeling sorry for the restaurant for occupying this table for two hours so I ordered something. I hope you don’t mind.”

Two hours? Ji Won shook her head then looked at Shin from the corner of her eye. How mean of him.

Shin scoffed. “You hope I don’t mind? Since when have you cared about my feelings?” he said just loud enough for both women to hear.

Seeing the older lady’s eyes turn down in response compelled Ji Won to kick Shin under the table.

He sent her a deadly look then picked up the menu.

The three of them sat in uncomfortable silence for about a minute before Shin’s mom said, “You must be the young lady Ajusshi told me about.”

“Me?” she asked, pointing to herself. She waved in disagreement. “No, I don’t think so. Maybe someone else.”

“You’re not the editor who visited his grandfather?”

“Oh, yeah… that’s me.”

The woman smiled widely. “Then it’s you. You’re just as lovely as he described. I’m glad Suh has found someone like you.”

Ji Won cringed in embarrassment. What was this woman talking about? She looked to see what expression Shin had on his face and it was the same one he’d had since they’d walked into the restaurant – one of disdain.

“I can’t believe I’m sitting here with my son. He hasn’t changed much except that he’s grown even more handsome.”

“Harbouji talks to you?” Shin gruffly asked.

She nodded. “Sometimes.”

“Wow. So you see it fit to talk to him but you refuse to talk to your own son? Do you remember the last time you spoke to the biggest mistake in your life?”

The woman’s shoulders slump. “My biggest mistake? How can you think that?”

“What else do you want me to think? You’ve never wanted me around. You didn’t want me when I was born. You didn’t want me when Grandma died, you pretend not to know me when you see me in the street and now you’re only here because you want something. What other explanation is there for that?”

Shin’s mother put her hands on the table and leaned forward. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t take care of you when you were a child – I was just too young. I’m sorry. But now I want to make amends, that’s why I am here.”

Shin laughed in disbelief. “That’s a joke if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Suh yah, I know I’ve wronged you deeply. But I recently realized that I made a lot of mistakes with you and if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll like to correct them. I’m so sorry for what I did but I think we still have time to make amends. I would like us to have some kind of relationship if you’re willing. Please. Life is too short and I would like to have you in my life again.”

“So you honestly want me to believe that you hounded Harabouji to let us meet just because you wanted to start a relationship with me? It’s not really because you want my organs? Not because you’re broke? Not because you need a favor? But because you suddenly found your motherly instincts?”

Shin’s voice had begun to get loud and the other patrons at the restaurant had begun to stare at their table. The waitress walked over to the table to take their orders. As she did, Ji Won reached under the table to find Shin’s hand and held it. He glanced over at her and even though she gave him a comforting smile, he didn’t react.

After the waitress left, and in a small voice, Shin’s mother said, “Suh yah, I deserve everything you said. I was the worst kind of mother a child could ever have. I didn’t give you any love or respect but please understand that even though I never showed it, I always loved you. I know it’s hard to believe but you’re my first child and always had a special place in my heart. I’m sorry I made you suffer so much. I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking.

Shin looked away to hide the tears that had begun to threaten their departure. How odd was it to finally hear the words he’d always pretended not to want but had secretly hoped to hear all his life? And who would have thought that he’d hear them one Saturday evening at a family restaurant? But somehow, it didn’t feel real.

When he regained his composure, he said, “This is a lot to take in. Why the sudden change of heart? Did someone close to you just die? Is that what spurred this? When Grandma died, it had no effect on you. I didn’t make you want to love me. Instead you pushed me on a man who could have turned me into his slave while raping me every night. Did you even think about that? No. All you cared about what throwing me away. And now you want me to believe this bulls.hit?”

Ji Won gripped his hand tighter.

He lowered his tone and through gritted teeth said, “Everyone but you cared about me. That poor man loved me more than you ever did and I am not even his blood. Grandma, Grandpa, teachers, strangers on the street, everyone treated me better than you ever did. And now you want me to believe that over thirty years later you want a relationship with me? Do you think I am an idiot? Just tell me what the real reason is so I can leave this God forsaken place!”

The woman bent her head and Ji Won watched as tears fell on the tablecloth. “Excuse me. I need to go the bathroom,” she said before getting up and walking away as fast as she could.

“Shin ssi.”

“Don’t dare tell me I am being too hard on her. You're the one who told me to say how I felt.”

“Okay.”

“That woman is here for some other reason. You read my book, right? You know exactly who she is. She said it herself – my looks haven’t changed. My own mother pretended not to know me and now she wants me to believe some crap about wanting to make amends? She wants to build a relationship? With me? Is she crazy? She must want money. If she does, let her say it now and not waste my time any longer.”

The waitress brought over their food and after eating in uncomfortable silence for over ten minutes, Ji Won decided to go to the bathroom and check on his mother. She walked in and saw her leaning against the wall looking at her phone messages.

“Ajumma,” Ji Won called to catch her attention.

She looked up then quickly snapped her phone shut. Then she grabbed some tissues and dabbed her already dry eyes. “I’m sorry, have I been here long?”

Ji Won shook her head. “I just wanted to check up on you.”

She gave her a side smile. “He hates me, doesn’t he?”

“What did you expect? You abandoned him. Did you think he’d just welcome you with open arms?”

“It was so long ago – I was just a kid then. I wish he could understand that.”

But what about twenty years ago? Or ten years ago? Or even last year? Were you still a kid? Ji Won wanted to ask. But she knew it wasn’t her place.

“Are you ready to go back?”

***

When they returned to the table, Shin was in surprisingly better behavior and asked how she was doing. Happy about that, his mother spoke of her family then handed them a photo.

“These are my children.”

Shin winced at the stabbing pain that shot through his heart. He would never have a picture like that - one of him hugging his mother.

“They are beautiful boys.”

“Thank you. I think the oldest one, Hyun Woo kinda of resembles Suh, don’t you think so?”

“Really?” She looked at the picture, at Shin then back at the photo. “Oh, I see it. They have the same nose and mouth,” she lied.

“You think so? I’m glad. His favorite subject is math but he loves to write just like his older brother,” she began as she filled them in about her son's life.

Even though his mother was speaking very clearly, Shin couldn’t hear anything. His mind was just fixated on the photo in his hand. Looking at those three smiling faces was like facing the childhood he’d been denied.

“… but Hyun Woo had to be taken out of school this year,” his mother said in a choked up voice.

“Why?” Ji Won asked.

“He’s got leukemia.”

On hearing that word, Shin snapped back into reality. He shook his head in disgust. “And now the truth comes out.” Then he let out a very scary laugh –if anything, it sounded more like a war cry. “Your precious son has leukemia and now you want to know if I’m a match.”

His mom bit her lip and looked away.

“Answer me, Mother. Is that why you’re here?”

“No, I’m just telling you about—”

“Is this why you had that epiphany? Why you decided to reach out to the one person you tried to forget your whole life? Because your son is sick?”

“No.”

“What do you want? You want me to replace your dying son or save him? Which is it?”

The woman shook her head then suddenly burst into tears. “That’s not it.”

But Shin was unmoved by her antics. “You want to get to know me better when your beloved son is sick. This is just a coincidence?”

The crying woman nodded.

“Really? If we embark on our new beautiful relationship, do you promise to never ask me to get tested to see if I’m a match?”

The woman looked up at Shin and cried even harder.

“Answer me. Can you promise to never involve me in this problem with your son?”

Instead of responding, she just kept crying.

“If I say I won’t get tested, will you still want to have a relationship with me? Answer me! Answer me!"

“You should meet him once,” she said between sobs. “He’s such a sweet child. He’s only 18 but he’s so mature. My child can’t die. He’s too young. Please. Please. I can’t just let him die. He’s too young.”

“Just as I thought. Ji Won, can you see? I knew she wanted something.” He got up. “You can go back to wherever you came from knowing that you can’t fool me. Look, I don’t care if your son dies or not. So I’m not going to any stinking hospital to take any stinking test, do you understand me? If this was what you wanted, you shouldn’t have bothered contacting me because I don’t give a fu.ck about you or your family. This is beyond ridiculous! Even if I’m his match, I will never donate any fu.cking anything to help him get better. Do you understand me? Think of it as karma for what you did to me.” Then he reached for his glass and knocked its contents over. “And I’m not paying for this meal, either,” he said before storming out.

***

Ji Won watched him leave with her mouth ajar, although objectively, she knew that she shouldn’t be quite so surprised. She'd felt her heart break as she'd witnessed the scene, imagining the kind of pain he must have been going through. But the words he said, that look in his eyes – like he was no longer behind them – shocked her. Who was that man?

“I’m sorry,” she said to the crying woman. What she’d done was despicable but it was clear that she loved her sick son and love could make one do terrible things. But on the other hand, how painful must it be for Shin to know that she only wanted to use him to benefit her son?

She reached into her purse and pulled out a few bills. “This should cover dinner. Good night,” she said.

But as she stood up to leave, the lady grabbed her by her arm. “Please beg him for me. Please. You’re a woman too. Even if you don’t have children you must understand how this must feel for me. Please. Convince him to help our Hyun Woo. He’s too young,” she yelled as tears gushed out of her eyes. “We’ll compensate him for any inconvenience. We just need to save our son.”

Ji Won pried her fingers off her. “Compensate him for any inconvenience? Ajumma, are you really this heartless? Do you think that's the problem? Do you think you can compensate him for all the pain you’ve brought him? I’m sorry your son is sick but leave Shin out of this!”

A few minutes later, just as she stepped out of the restaurant, she saw Shin’s car pull out of its parking spot and move towards the exit.

“SHIN! SHIN! Yoon Pil Suh!” she screamed as she chased after it. The car didn’t go very far before it stopped so Ji Won was able to catch up with it in a short amount of time.

“Were you going to leave me?” she said through short breaths the second she got into the car.

“I thought you wanted to stay back and chat.”

“Stay back and chat? What does that even mean?”

“You seemed to like her. You enjoyed chatting in the bathroom, didn’t you? You enjoyed talking about her kids. Are you friends now?”

Ji Won rolled her eyes and decided to ignore him. She knew he was going through a tough time and was clearly not in his right sense so she let him vent without interruption.

However, since Ji Won was staying silent, Shin saw no reason to stop. “How cute were you today? Looking at photos and saying, “Oh, they look so much alike,” he said, mimicking her voice. “Why were you being such an as.s kisser? I look nothing like that person! Did you want her to like you or something? Or maybe you wanted to make her one of your drinking buddies. You saw how well she could drink, didn’t you? Already have some drinking games planned?”

Okay, now he was just being ridiculous. “Don’t take this out on me.”

“Why would I take it out on you? It’s only your fault.”

“How is it my fault?”

“I told you I didn’t want to meet her but you insisted that I should. I told you that I knew that heartless bi.tch wanted something from me. But you wouldn’t listen, talking about how I’d get the chance to talk to her. Now you see what has happened?”

Ji Won kept her mouth shut as she looked out of the window.

“Answer me. Was I right? Don’t you think I would have been better off now showing up and wasting my damn time on that opportunistic bi.tch?”

“You were right, okay! You were right. But don’t take your anger out on me. If you want to do that, just pull over so I can get out of this car.”

***

“Thanks for the ride,” Ji Won said shortly after Shin pulled up to her apartment complex. The ride home had been less than pleasant to say the least. Once Shin got tired of talking, they’d sat in the car in silence. Nobody had even bothered to turn on the radio. The entire evening had become very uncomfortable and unpleasant that she’d never been so glad to see the welcome sign for her building before.

“I’m sorry,” Shin offered as he opened his car door.

“You don’t have to get out. Just go home and rest.”

“No. No. I’ll walk you to the entrance.”

Ji Won quietly led the short walk to the building entrance, wondering why he was even bothering to do this song and dance since he was supposedly so mad at her. She tapped her keycard on the sensor and when she heard the door unlock, pulled it open. She turned around to say goodbye in a curt voice but the look on his face made her feel otherwise. Boy did he look miserable. Hoping it was the right thing to do, she said, “Would you like to come up?

***

What did one offer a man who’d received confirmation that his mother didn’t love him?

“What would you like to drink? I have juice, soda and some w-water. I was about to say wine but I didn’t want you to think that I was seducing you.”

Shin frowned. “You haven’t forgotten that, huh?” he asked warily. He knew he should go home but he didn’t want to spend time in his empty apartment just recounting the day’s events. He knew his mother hated him but up till a few minutes earlier, he’d never realized just how much. Even though he’d insisted that she’d only contacted him because she wanted something, he’d hoped deep inside that she’d prove him wrong. But apparently, he was the type to never get what he really wanted.

“It was supposed to be a joke. I have wine if you want.”

***

The hour and half Shin stayed over was the most uncomfortable Ji Won had ever spent in her apartment even though all they did was drink wine, eat some snacks and watch television.

“It’s 11:33,” Ji Won announced.

Shin smiled at her then looked at his wrist. “Yes, it is. Although my watch says 11:37. I wonder which one is correct,” he said with a very fake smile.

“Let’s split the difference and say it’s 11:35,” she replied with an equally as fake smile.

“11:35 sounds good.”

They both let out phony laughs as they walked towards the door. When they reached it, Shin turned around.

“Good night.”

“Good night,” Ji Won replied. She was going to give him about a day to himself before she called to check up on him. This was one of those times she wished she’d studied psychology so that she’d know the right thing to say to him.

“I’ll see you later, then.

“Okay, take care.”

They both avoided the other’s eyes as they stood in silence.

“Bye, then,” Ji Won said.

“Bye.” Shin started to turn around but then slowly turned right back and pecked her on the lips.

Ji Won gave him a questioning look. Okay, that was unexpected.

Since that wasn’t an outright rejection, Shin decided to try his luck again. He didn’t know what he was doing or why he was even doing it but when he kissed her again he made sure it was soft and long. It felt good – the best he’d felt in the last few hours. He looked at her eyes to see that they were shut. Then he cupped her face and really kissed her.

Even though she was shocked and confused by the turn of events, Ji Won instinctively responded to his kiss. As his kiss got more intense, she parted her lips, letting his tongue explore her mouth. Although it wasn’t the first time they’d kissed, this one felt especially good. She didn’t know if it was because she’d been so tense and this was a welcome feeling or because it had been a long time since she’s kissed a man. She put her arms around his waist and pressed her body closer to his and was enjoying the sensation till she felt her body being grabbed and pushed against the wall.

Her eyes opened in alarm as his kisses got more intense till they were borderline animalistic. Suddenly the sensation stopped feeling good and all she could hear were alarm bells ringing in her head.

“What—” was all she could manage against his lips. She tried to push him off her gently but he wouldn’t budge. She gathered more force and pushed him again, this time succeeding.

“What the hell are you doing?”

He looked at her but Ji Won couldn’t see him – there was someone else behind those eyes. But as quickly as they parted, he was back on her, this time kissing her neck fiercely.

Using all her might this time, she managed to pry him off her. “What the hell are you doing?” she yelled. She reached to the side of her and turned the doorknob. “You need to leave now,” she said with her chest heaving out of control.

Shin leaned over to kiss her again but she turned her face away. “Please leave.” What in the world did he think he was doing? She knew he was frustrated but she wasn’t about to let him use her this way.

With his lips close to her ear, he whispered, “Please let me stay.”

She sighed and looked into his eyes. He was back and clearly in pain. “I’m sorry,” she said in a softened tone.

“I need you. I don’t want to be alone tonight,” he said in a cracking voice.

Ji Won pressed her lips together and looked at him. He looked rather pitiful, didn’t he? His eyes were downturned and he’d somehow transformed from that animalistic person to a miserable creature.

As Ji Won searched for the right things to say, Shin just stood there with his eyes to the ground. The day had started off great and he just wanted to forget everything that had just happened. He leaned forward to kiss her again but she turned her face yet again.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated softly. “But I can’t let you stay tonight. It won’t be right.”

Right? What the hell was right? Hearing that word hit him hard. He looked at her face, narrowed his eyes and stepped back. “It won’t be right?”

Glad for the increased space between them, Ji Won heaved a sigh of relief. “Not like this. Not this way. It’s not right.”

He nodded. “I see. When you went over to Aruba and found an unsuspecting stranger and john teshed him to get over your ex, was that right? Played with his emotions, seduced him and left him without a word, was that right?”

“So you want me to pay you back for that?”

“No. But I find it hilarious that you’re here acting like some authority on what’s right or wrong when you’ve done exactly the same thing. I wonder what is right in this world. A girlfriend who leaves you for a richer man, a woman who only remembers her son when she needs him for his DNA or a jilted woman who takes advantage of an unsuspecting stranger. Which of them are right?” He paused for a few moments then in a much quieter tone, said, “Or the fact that the people I care about always abandon me when I need them most. I wonder how right that is.” With that, he turned around and walked out of her apartment.

Before Ji Won could even begin to digest what had just occurred, her phone rang. She ran back into the living room to get it but she couldn’t recognize the number on the caller id. She answered it cautiously. “Hello?”

“Ji Won ah. I knew you’d be awake.”

“Who is this?”

The person at the other end chuckled. “You don’t recognize my voice anymore? It’s Joon Young.”